horus8
on some deleted poem
10 Sep 2002, 10:43 PM
yeah right, my older sister is just a sucker for this almighty waste ridden hype.tripe...whatever, but i agree with you holey...fully. gravel.thorns.cranberry.lava. he apparently enjoys writing about street lights and shit though...wow....crescendo? nay.nay...a pointless yammer.
hmm. This poem is a bit repetitive, and unpleasant to read. I can appreciate the sentiment, but I feel like I'm being hit upside the head with a semi that accidentally drove off the side of a cliff. I think perhaps you could have focused on a couple of the images and entwined them somehow to give the piece more cohesion.
Sometimes you just get dumped. This sounds more like an angry ex-love letter, but I am not giving you a 0.
!!!!!!!!!I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!! This is the 4th poem in two days with the same last line!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like you are telling me everything and showing me nothing. Why? Because you are.
I like the funky flow, but I despise Dave Matthews. I mean seriously why is he so popular. He's crap and because you mentioned him, I now hate a poem I was almost ready to really like.
Sometimes when I read these poems of yours I imagine Winnie the Pooh sitting there pounding on his head going, "think, think." It seems you latch on to an idea and over think it a bit so what comes to paper may be filled with fancy symbols but lacks ump!! But GW likes it, and that is what matters!
that is truly heavy.......indica.louverre.mark.volleyb
fuck sis. i love you. sorry about the morphine and stuff . thanks for the flush and the summer. and fixing my gurlz teefuses! you are. something. metaphysical and fecund! 10!!
Oh I am afraid to comment because this poem is about drugs. Of it is risqu??. Jesus, Tar bog where do you live where they have that sort of fear. Well any, my problem is not with the subject but the fact that the poem is trite and one long rhetorical question. What are you trying to get at by asking the reader something? Especially when most readers will go, gee, no, why? Am I not hip enough?
Interesting imagery. I'm not certain that I follow it completely, but I do like it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
10 Sep 2002, 3:47 PM
This is clever and entertaining, and there is good use of imagery throughout. But I agree with the comment about smugness.
somebody should fire arrow your canoe...your such a fucking romantic jackoff..drinking a beer with you would be like jerking off to my little retarted brother reading me blake and keats while naring my asshole...fucking weak unintelligable euro trash garden variety monotoned shite! what a fucking waste of time...this is the kinda of shit a tenured professor reads to freshman girls to try and victimize them afterschool out of boredome and lack of inspiration...fuck! you are so well read and deep..!!!!! prima facie? not worth the gallows swing..boring! yawn. 5/10!
Sentimental slop. 0. I can't award anything for this I'm afraid. Far too cheesy, and to start so many lines 'Thank you...' indicates that you are utterly devoid of inspiration. I'm sure that your mum would love this tribute, but frankly, I hate it. Horrible stuff. Be ashamed, please?
Do Nirvana T-Shirts indicate deepness? I think not. 3. A poor poem. I like the idea behind the piece, but your execution leaves a sour taste in the mouth. Are the line breaks meaningful? Only you know this, but I personally doubt it. I grant you, parts are perceptive and intelligently done, but for me, as a whole, it just doesn't work. Sorry.
This stinks. 1. You are perfectly entitled to your own form and if you wish to write one long line of poetry even though it is a swin to read, good luck to you, and if I like it I will tell you as much. However, this I think is horrible; 'our point of view is clouded in that mystery of soul'? Crawl out of your own arse and try and write something half decent next time.
Profound. 7. I like the idea behind this, and I think I see what you are trying to convey. You should be aware however, that your wife also lurks about this website. If I were you, I'd keep her chained up in the kitchen or bedroom where I could see her.
I think it would take a mother to love this. Which is what it was meant for. I'm sure she did.
However, there's little of artistic merit in it. It's rather painful to read for those not involved with it.
weird. I really can't understand the second stanza for the life of me. I like the sounds the poem makes. It took reading the comments to see where the last stanza was coming from. Maybe if you only capitalized the beginning of sentences it would be more obvious that the last stanza followes the previous. weird.
This is not a poem, it is a line.