nentwined
on Leaf on the wind by troll454
10 Sep 2002, 1:55 PM
I can't say this moved me.
"Beshitten". Someone contact the Oxford new words dept:) Outstanding imagery. 9.
A little obvious.5.
this scans well, but doesn't say much to me. the first stanza seems to contradict the last without the two middle ones supporting that...?
that was lovely. Dark Angel is way more rockin' than james Bond. Even the Sean Connery one.
this has made my dreary day full of grinning. i <3 this poeme. it fills me with love. now I am going to go swimming. The Everquest player bit was classic.
having been to City Lights and North Beach.... you didn't miss much ;-)
:blink: amusing, for a bit. way too long to keep me interested. and of course, nobody could really consider it a poem unless they were trying to pick a fight. but whatever. :)
hmm. this was too proselike for my taste, and the intro ditty really didn't do it for me. the "form" is somewhat interesting, but could still _flow_ better.
I think the last lines are effective because they give you a sense of place and an image to put in your mind. Most of the poem lacks concrete images to grasp -- basically the first 5 lines have no imagery at all. I recommend going back and trying to paint the picture with less telling and more showing.
Besides the obvious, rather unremarkable final two lines, I don't see that this poem has anything to recommend it. Presumably the high votes are due to its emotional subject, but banal writing cannot stand up on its subject matter.
Very nice. Found the narrative drifting on the last stanza though. First s. particularly arresting. Makes you want to hold your breath when you read it, to be quiet. I think it's the "Add up or give reason" bit, marrs an otherwise excellent piece.8.
Charming.
Beautiful but ever so slightly uninteresting. Can't fault the word choice or structure, can't award anything less than a 9 in fairness, but don't feel "rewarded" for having read it...if you know what i mean?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Borderline nauseating.1. (Hey I'm sure your "mom" will give it 10.)
Depression, loneliness, heartache, sorrow, pain, suffering....an uplifting read. (ooh..sadness...last stanza). Have a 6. I'd give you 10 if you'd cheer up :)
why oh why did you put this all on one line?
That's so beautiful. I think it's as true today as it was last Thanksgiving.
"God?" and wasn't this already submitted by someone else?
very nice.