Spooky ! - good though

I like the implication of a back story to this

What are you doing in a shit bog Frass. Searching for yourself? I suggest it would be easier to look at spiders webs, of a freshly laid dog turd, epecially if you can find one of those white crusty ones that are rarely to be seen nowadays (would show up better). Otherwise twould be like looking for a frass in a farmyard.

In answer to your long-ago queston... I think the lines that make her sound needy begin 'She'll cry uncle...' to '...brutal charms'. Uncles conjure up an idea of warmth, confort, affectiotion, which is sublimated in this poem to the woman's desire for something harder and more animal - but the avuncular overtone is still there. There's an emotional as well as a sexual neediness here. But I wouldn't change it - that kind of need is part of sex. This is damn sexy stuff, m'dear.

Amazing piece. Your metaphors are GREAT! "gathers men like clumps of fallen leaves" PREFECT!!!

I agree, this is pleasingly sardonic.

I don't know how I missed this one before - it doesn't contain your best lines, but the design is ingenious

I don't really understand what's going on here, this is too allusive. But your phrasing is good (it is in Donna's Eyes too).

That is lovely,what a paradise and how selfless it sounds.

But I take it you learnt sonnet structure at school - so it wasn't all pointless then was it? Again, I can't agree with your conclusion, and I think this is melodramatic at the end and no half as interesting as 'Evensong'.

why brazen? aren't you interested in improving? did you spring full-formed and perfect from the brow of a god? your language is awkward and overfull in this piece. it is not good the way it is. i'm happy for you that you are happy with your writings the way they fall out of your fingers; i wouldn't want to meet your ego in a dark alley, though.

get out your dictionary. i don't think you are aware that what you are saying is not what you mean.

oh! the last line is too weak. the rest of it is great, though.

Thanks fadge, i shall change it this very second, instant, moment, jiffy, stiffy, wood i be able to pop some with you, just so long as i'm not so very mashed.

Given your subject it's fitting that this is a fragment - comes over like one's of Sappho's fragments. Very good and clear and real

I like these Sapphic fragments of yours. This is very sexy indeed.

I like this, you handle your imagery well and passionately

thankyou.

God, my typing, sorry....

I don't agree with your conclusion. Of course we have an alternative - we don't have to belive in god or the Trinity if it seems untrue. But I believe it is true to you and your poem makes this clear. Some of it sounds like cut-up prose ('And the hymns/were disappointingly insipid.' - I don't catch any rhythm there) but the opening is very atmospheric - probably the best bit of the poem. This is a very interesting poem, plenty to think about.