nentwined
on Father O Father O Father of Fools by dougsoderstrom
3 Sep 2002, 2:56 AM
almost amazing.
This is very enigmatic but I like the different currents of regret and loss and possibility that pull against each other. The middle stanza of part III is too opaque for me - I think you might need to spell the 'things too close' a little more.
alright, alright...even i, a stubborn man raised and true, will listen and subdue...i just need more patience and guidance...and do you want me to replace EVERY 'the' with 'no' and switch 'birth' with 'death'...i'll call up p. diddy and get with the remix
Terrific. Came up on random. The jesus/devil metaphors are funny and, best of all, accurate. The last stanza is pure sunday school.
One who spells as badly as you should not even be permitted to attempt to write poetry. This is one of the biggest pieces of shit I have ever read. How old are you? 12? This is a shining example of emotional immaturity. Grow up. Cheer up. Can the angst. Lose that bad dye job. Buy clothes that are some colour other than black. Smell a flower. Pet a kitten. For crying out loud...
well, read the poem and tell me what *you * think :)
haunting with an equivocating edginess. sine die.
This is very enigmatic but I like the different currents of regret and loss and possibility that pull against each other. The middle stanza of part III is too opaque for me - I think you might need to spell out the 'things too close' a little more.
I don't see why the person who gave this a nought wa a hypocrite, if they really didn't like it. However, I like it, especially the ending when the ambivalence of Christianity becomes clear.
This is the best thing yet I've read of yours. It's bleeding funny. It's laconic. Lovely.
Some nice imagery, but reads like (albeit good) prose broken up into lines to resemble poetry. Language is insufficiently dense for my liking, but there's no doubt you can write, so <5>
Some nice imagery, but reads like (albeit good) prose broken up into lines to resemble poetry. Language is insufficiently dense for my liking, but there's no doubt you can write, so <5>
"Somtimes I feel so un-alive / Like my presence does not survive"... If that doesn't sound 'forced' then I don't know what does. "un-alive"... genius! Anyway, this whole poeme is 'forced'. "I wish I could rewind the time / And turn myself into a chime"... WTF? A chime? You want to turn into a chime? So that people will stop ignoring you? That's a bit obscure, don't you think? Just because 'chime' rhymes with 'time'. It's beak. You beak. Jesu will be very displeased when he reads this. VERY DISPLEASED.
I enjoyed this, it was interesting-7/10
Purple the colour of mourning? Intriguing. For some reason I get a mental image of an Arabian city.
I think I'll take that as a compliment.
Some nice imagery, but reads like (albeit good) prose broken up into lines to resemble poetry. Language is insufficiently dense for my liking, but there's no doubt you can writ, so <5>
Hee. Melikes.