I took >I dreamt I could tell> as tell/blowing the whistle/ratting the prick out etc. I wouldn't change that line at all. To me that was an important part of the pain. She dreamt she could tell like a little girl dreams of becoming a princess. It could never REALLY happen. Why they think they can't tell makes it all the more tragic.

You let us peer well into the depths of a raped Woman's hell. 10/10

Frass you are absolutely correct. Thanks for pointing it out, that was helpful. Glad you like it. Please vote again I lost the last in editing.

tell me about it.s

well written. personally, i think there are too many "if i'd nevers", but i just think that it kind of jumps from thought to thought. but very good job none the less. the last stanza is very strong, you ended on a very wonderful point.

The difference between a poet, and some jackass with a pen is that to a poet, poetry is an art. The poet works at his/her words, trying to find the perfect combination to create the impression of spontenaiety, to create the perfect image. You don't believe in revision? Obviously, you are just some jackass with a pen. This poem is trite and boring.

I see it differently; Bab not thinking too highly of women. He's simply telling a story, very well, from the perspective of men, together. We think this way; the poem communicates very effectively to me.

Who are these savage, hypocrital betrayers? My interest is peaked; tell me.

I really like the first stanza here. It is intense, beautiful. The second stanza, however, does not seem to connect to the first as smoothly as I would like. Aesthetically, it is wonderful.

I sincerely hope my man loves me more than his Black and Tans. Let me tell you, I could write an epic about his frosty mug love affair with those beers. Men!

mute hold the 's' definetly. cupped doesn't feel soft or sexy enough for me, other than that I love it. 8/10

wonderful poem. i think this is a point that definitetly needed to be brought to more peoples attention. not the fact of happenings, but the idea of the mask. my only suggestion: the very last line not rhyming really does throw off the reader since all others did so well. maybe consider "could have been spared." or anything of your own, whatever you see fit. however, whether you leave it or change it, it is a truly wonderful poem. two thumbs up.

I get the impression you don't think too highly of Women. I'm also fairly sure you weren't trying to send that message. even so, that is what comes through, for me at least. (not that it matters I suppose) Anyhow.. I Love your work but this one seems to be lacking in something... substance perhaps?? 7/10

i wasn't reposting it 'spuds' (doylum's nickname) i re-edited it, there were some unsavory typos before...and besides no one will stumble upon it anyway cuz nentwined and d.a have rigged the fucking random effect.elitist bastards! down with the facist pigs!y

i say ten! cuz of the fourth line. a mistake that saved the piece. 10/10/10/biglistlessbirds.l

Thank you, glad you like it. Big Matriarchy? Where?

do me favor, change the end around a bit maybe, the king solomon stuffs gotta go maybe.....and then add another sentence ater i dreamt....like could tell the difference between revenge and growth or say blah..blah...i dont know something to that extent

I like what you're after here, DS. I think you could say it better. Consider shortening the poem, not locking into metre, then losing it. Stay with a freeform which allows you to creatively toss in the off-metre phrase and make it ring like bells.

Very good. Reminiscent of Anais Nin. However, I think the first line is the weakest. My hands would be mute; no 's'. Comma or line break after 'speak'.

This could be a truly, nasty, bitter poem if polished up some. 5/10