nonee
on some deleted poem
30 Aug 2002, 1:53 AM
i dont think one needs to die :)
there will be an another hourglass to look by :)
A vivid picture.liked the style.8
Section 3 is pretty damn amazing. The rest of this is great too - you are a psychosexual maelstrom, and no mistake. All power to whichever elbow most suits.
I think i can see what you're getting at Mr Horus - this big wheel ride down Mt Baldy past L Cohen I can see - but I don't see how all these bits fit together as one poem. I think a lot of your poems are part of the same patchwork of thoughts and crazinesses that run through your head and for that reason are all of a piece and wildly variant at the same time. You do mad things to my mind, my friend. I think I'm getting close to what you're on about and then it veers off at the last minute. Burp.
What you did for Freud in 'The title is over-used!' you do for the dear Lord here. Marv'lous.
ZZinnia and God's wife, I've been reading your comments and you've both spoken a lot of sense. There's no reason why marriage shouldn't work but perhaps the parameters of marriage should be modified in the modern age. Life obviously doesn't work out in the way our great-great-grandparents thought it would.Why do we push ourselves into these boxes and assume that we will only ever love one person? Zzinnia, I really feel for you, I understand completely how this has happened to you because it's happened to me too.
I know exactly what this is about and the last stanza says it with pith and venom - how stupid we all can be.
the tone is earnest,for that 5
#50 absolutely rocks. These are great. They could have been either flippant or maudlin, but they tread the perfect line in between. 10/10
I like your central image and I think if you concentrated on that without resorting to explanation e.g. 'It's the same with life' this would eb much better. Trust your images to be themselves, you shouldn't have to spell it out. You could have said the same with far more impact in a third of the lines. The ending has a gracefulness that I like though.
I like that Sara Teasdale poem, very concise and true. Thanks Lenore! It's what we should all be aiming for - take note Kristen!
This isn't as good as your other stuff, though the feeling is geuine the expression is a bit hackneyed and the ending is melodramatic.
Snapshots of memories, vivid and visceral. I really feel this in the belly. Well done
A bit of fun,but is it Poetry?
Very graphic-format a little disconcerting-loved it. 10/10
Actually, there are loads of birds aren't there? Cripes. Birds are a big Thomas thing - the reference in the first stanza is a deliberate allusion to his 'Adlestrop' - but perhaps I have over-egged the bird pie somewhat.
ok i know whaT I DID WAS WRONG BUT I HAVE DELETED ALL POEMS THAT ARE NOT MINE i apologise again for my behavour oh yeah and before i forget go fuck yourself
Interesting-8/10