Then I dare say that the boy must be in league with the Devil! Give me his address at once; he must know Jesu before it is too late!!

Good tight imagery and a logical pull that keeps the whole together. Reminds me a bit of Blake in its diagrammatic approach.

That's nice. I like it and I like schnapps.

So where were they? Buried with W.H. Davies?

the ending seems a little clumsy to me, esp. 'the wrong place for each'. i get the sense that these things you sought were all about, yet you focused on where you wanted to find them, unwilling to see them beside you. yes?

This is so sensually evocative - I love this. In fact, I think I love you ZZinnia!

This is lovely - intricate, romantic, suggestive. The colour imagery is beautifully evocative. As for 'geometry on the page' - I don't get a sense of it being contrived at all. My only complaint is that the cosiness of the first stanza doesn't really build up to 'mercury' and 'bleeding' of the last stanza. But how seductive those gifts would be....

I know. It's not meant to be set to that standard. The true haiku is set to 15 syllable's based on the japanese language. These were an attempt at haiku in the Kerouacian sense. Nothing More.

Notwithstanding Bachus's rather crazy tirade, I think, Baba-Yaga, that you have stored up some bad Poemranker kharma, especially in your acid comments on Memorybabe's poems. Therefore let me come to turn the wheel...when you stop recycling Tom Waits lyrics, you can start to berate others for their poetic failings.

I like the kick in the face at the end - a real wake-up to the emotionally deluded (like me).

This is also nice. Sleepwalking is strange indeed, just ask any of the people who have seen what i do...

I Like this one and thought it rings to the tune of about a 7.

I hope everyone who uses this site explodes. It's all your fault, horus8. You weren't content with being a peddler of vaguness under one name; you use at least 3 or 4 that I know of, and all that's happened since then is people are confused since they don't know who to desperately suck up to and who to smugly but ignorantly condemn. How is the Gentry supposed to command the Peasantry if there is not even a semblance of order? You are a cad, Sir. Moreover, you are a talentless cad. And as for you, 'christof', could there be anything worse than someone who one minute smugly and knowingly drops a name in lieu of actual criticism and then gushes over whatever the fuck pops up next on his screen? I think there could. However, it would just be what I have just described but with a poo on top. Good day to you, Sir.

Is this some sort of wistful poeme about how those who suffer from monomania are special, and the mere mortals who try to share in his glee are only stifling his free spirit?

No. It's about a lad who surfs in his sleep, is confused by his own abilities and can't even share in the wonder of it because he's unconscious. See?

yes. it simply must. heed the dark one's wishes. change the title.

Whenever someone titles something 'American (whatever)', I always think of that fucking godawful thing, 'American Symphony' (or whatever the fuck it was) at the end of 'Mr. Holland's Opus' (a bluey for shitdicks, so I've heard). 'American' is, in my opinion, the smuggest, tritest, meaningless and most sickening adjective of all time, especially when applied to something which is supposed to be 'beautiful'.

this is a second draft, and i am not happy with it. suggestions, please? i seem to have lost my way with it.

Satanic sleep surfers are the greatest threat to mankind's spiritual survival.

your attempt went crash...boom...splat.