trite, and not a freeform poem

Silly

was it just this piece that earned me ranks in 'the great unwahed'?

i never spurned you, d, even when you were so very immediate

trite

I'm sire you meant "envelop"--unless you were planning to mail them somewhere :)

I like the first line, but after that, it literally falls off the page.

Who is "us"? So, is the nowhere place civilization or just the place "us" goes to become someone else? Hey, like the Internet. Is that the nowhere place for the nowhere man living in the nowhere land?

A few nice lines in a pile of general junk and a trite subject.

Jesus forest man, do you pull this shit out of your ass? You must be passive aggressive and a wuss in general because all the poems you have posted have the same clever tricks. But this is good stuff especially if you read it a few times and decide if it is pure love poem (high schoolers check this out for examples on how to do it) in the mode of Carver and Patchen or and anti-love poem. Is the narrator comfortable with the ease (is it convenient) and the predictability? Old rivers meander you know. Does he miss the journey? Who knows maybe it is just a fine love poem.

<<Sent straight/to giggle as stars/on a clear night...>> power. raw power in this stanza. this phrasing expands my sorrow at the emptiness.

decent words--perhaps you could toy with the line breaks to make it even better.

Oh poor boy. The humiliation you must feel.

trite, and not a freeform poem

nice rhythm, but i'd lose the "river of emotion" idea.

i thought the first half was about trying to drunkenly get into your house at night...but then my brain kicked in...leaves a funny mental image i must say...clever scamp.

au contraire my dear they at least do not have to deal with you with such immediacy. The dissapointment of the gready coperation is nought compaired to the spurned lustings of a ranker. To them you are nothing but a statistic (one of a million filthy scabs) on the yearly balance sheet. To me your your place amongst the great unwahed disheartens to the core

if this was written in adolescence...well, i can hardly keep my attention on taking a piss long enough before i get bored...but you're right, even if i hasn't been a long time, its always amusing to look back on yourself...and i tend to think this "life story" was quite short for a lifetime...

HEY BABBITT!...i loved this for kinda the same reason...its written a lot like some of my earlier poems so i found it easy to follow...starts off in one place and seems to travel through many different paths, only to have them all end in the same place...got some funk to it, yeah...plus hey, least it wasn't like the first time crossing the equator there ex-navy boy.

I'm "sire" he did, Robert.