This is by Sandra Lewis Pringle.

in-sense?

More like this

Nothing, it just confirms that you're a hillbilly dolt with loose bow'ls.

Stop whimpering and LIVE. Go manifest destiny motherfucker. Who knows, it might inspire you to write something other than this dribble. Zero.

What quotebook did you steal that from? Zero.

Apparently no one shall, everyone knows what happened to Jesus when he did that. Nine.

Can you make all that interesting and cut the self-pity by 80%? If so, perhaps a decent poem coming out of this just might be possible. Zero.

leaning in the circle of its yolk

no one dares comment on the dreaded sperladnik...like the Inquisition, no one expects it.....mmmmbwaaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

man, that's gross....I love it!!!!!

Adding one word to a poem is not a significant change. This is "Realizing Love" by Richard Sheak.

This anonymously authored poem appears to be older than this poster.

that's certainly long. good progression. very good progression, really, in terms of images/concepts. I don't think the words work very well for me, or the flow on the line/stanza level. Too much is told, for me.

The English of this piece is very awkward. Reads like a school assignment? Not sure you meant dolor or color (though both work about as well?) They end-rhymes (and near rhymes) feel very forced (and AABB tends to jump out as juvenile when reading something).

funny that. random with a hint of purpose (I smell porpoise). I'd like to know a little more about what you got designed... maybe. :) I'm possibly missing a lot, here.

The first stanza and three quarters really work, though I wouldn't expect them too. You're losing it for me where you break from the form and rhythm you've set up ((any form is tenuous and has a lot to prove about itself... and when you drop it, if that's not intrinsically meaningful, ...)) Interesting, though.

Could be good lyrics. The randomness of what you grasp at is the main detractor for me--I can't gel any particular image/meaning/point out of the poem, and that makes any possible insights ... less.

"she doesn't she that" -> "she doesn't see that" cant -> can't ... This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.

I'll give you a 10 for the use of tractor in your title. and a -9 for the rest of it.