Re: Lent Begins by jessicazee	Dovina 12.72.6.171	4-Feb-05/7:48 AM
Good story.
Re: Lent Begins by jessicazee	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	4-Feb-05/8:31 AM
What a lovely world you inhabit.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.6	4-Feb-05/12:48 PM
So nice to know you care enough to emulate.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 17.255.240.6	4-Feb-05/12:52 PM
Weird. Sounds scary and ridiculous at the same time. If I knew anything, I might even vote.
regarding some deleted poem...	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	4-Feb-05/10:23 AM
You are one ignorant Limey knob-polisher.
Re: love's jealousy by singinkygal	Dovina 17.255.240.6	4-Feb-05/12:57 PM
A few too many words. Try scratching - love's, fills (make it fill or scratch fills my body) hatred springs to life, evil, again unreservedly, devastation.
Re: Girly by Dovina	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-Feb-05/11:40 PM
I didn't want to like this, but I did anyway. Delete the last 2 lines.
Re: My Time In Jail by Brittanyy	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-Feb-05/11:42 PM
Love the line about your shoes.
Re: Girly by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.11.12	4-Feb-05/3:51 AM
I have a feeling you think you're responding to someone on this site. Who? Have you read "A Room of One's Own"?
Re: My Time In Jail by Brittanyy	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	4-Feb-05/6:20 AM
Who says "coppers"? What are you living in a 1930's crime saga?
Re: A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	4-Feb-05/1:47 PM
could do without the "so", and "that", still very nice.
Re: DUI Violation by amateurR	Dovina 12.72.11.186	4-Feb-05/4:47 PM
Good. Try omitting "Driving along fast" and "my" in the line above.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.11.186	4-Feb-05/4:48 PM
Good rhythm and a nice ending.
Re: Girly by Dovina	wilco 24.165.207.93	4-Feb-05/7:29 PM
Not your best, but since I know why you wrote it, it kind of makes me laugh.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.165.207.93	4-Feb-05/7:37 PM
Makes me think about fishing when I was a kid. Still one of my favorite things to do, although I don't get to much anymore.
Re: Girly by Dovina	zodiac 212.38.134.51	5-Feb-05/1:01 AM
As anybody who's read "A Room of One's Own" knows (and that's probably nearly everyone who knows anything), "poetess" and "girly" have never been considered opposing options for women. In fact, poetry is historically the domain of good domestic girls, being usually somewhat shallower and more maudlin than other literary forms, and also easier to write during soapopera commercials. That you don't already know this is yet another stain on your much besmirch'd reputation. I predict you'll say something about how this poem is not about girls and poetesses, but rather about something unrelated and at present unimaginable.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.38.134.51	5-Feb-05/1:02 AM
The past-present mixup in the parentheses is a little off-putting. To say the least.
Re: Concerto Chaotic by thepinkbunnyofdoom	fevriere 62.254.128.4	5-Feb-05/1:39 AM
I really do like it - the first stanza was definitely captivating, for the confident entrance and then the creeping of doubts. But call me ignorant.. It's not really.. Poetic. You're not hiding anything. And what you explain seems to go on a long time. I think there are lines here that are superfluous - they don't help so they drag. Like "into the shadows". Sounds very The Rasmus. At least forget the linebreak that makes it independent.
Re: Pictures of June by wilco	Shuushin 64.223.155.125	5-Feb-05/5:08 AM
Hwy wilco - overall it has a nice presence, but it didn't sink in until the end. Feature or bug? I was thinking that each of those stanzas could be on their own, even expanded into more - then I hit the chorus and it gelled. So I guess you could go either way with it. consuming/consumes - I struggled with that a little. Did you try it the other way too?
Re: Girly by Dovina	Shuushin 64.223.155.125	5-Feb-05/5:10 AM
kindof ogden nashy as the end there (not a bad thing).