| Re: A Thing I Must Do by Dovina |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:00 PM |
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One of your best in a while.
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| Re: Harry & the Little Bird by Goad |
Beyond_Dreams 67.51.232.76 |
2-Feb-05/3:04 PM |
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I went to college in Schnectady.
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| Re: No more goodbye by ShaNoN+960317485 |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:10 PM |
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Need to fix your meter here and check your spelling.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:03 PM |
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I don't know how good of a song this would make, but it works as a poem too.
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| Re: Harry & the Little Bird by Goad |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:05 PM |
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Perfidy, great word. I'm not really liking this too much but I'm going to give you an 8 just for that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:09 PM |
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I'm sorry. i want to help but I just don't think anything's going to do this any good.
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| Re: A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:16 PM |
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Not bad. I thing the smart tart bit could be better, but I like the fruit/potatoes lines.
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| Re: Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
2-Feb-05/3:13 PM |
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I'm really not sure what's going on here...maybe you could add a little bit more to help paint at least a little bit better picture. I'm all about abstract, but you gotta give a little more I think.
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| Re: Oh holy shit by Lucifer |
Brittanyy 152.163.100.135 |
2-Feb-05/9:13 AM |
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"Man if I did what I wanted
It would leave you daunted"
I dunno..Thats the only part I like.
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| Re: A Thing I Must Do by Dovina |
Crakyamuni 131.252.231.114 |
2-Feb-05/9:47 AM |
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Makes tons of sense that you never made it past base 2 with the dude in the bleachers, perhaps you need a good shave?, or a night light to guide your non spatially aware ass.
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| Re: A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
richa 81.178.239.228 |
2-Feb-05/9:56 AM |
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Comma after love in fourth verse I presume. Love's only potatoes made me giggle. Personally I would have put it at the start, dare the narrator to explain herself on the whole love spud thing.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
fevriere 62.254.128.4 |
2-Feb-05/10:13 AM |
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Hm. Cliche'd subject? But shows signs of poetry! Cut "shattered glass".
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| Re: Life by AmberDawn |
AmberDawn 205.188.116.67 |
2-Feb-05/11:58 AM |
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I wrote this poem when I was 15, I submitted it hoping that I would recieve helpful criticism. The spelling errors are due to my putting the poem in while at work, therefore on a time restriction. Any comments that will actually help would be appreciated. Otherwise, thanks for nothing.
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| Re: First date (for Larry, a lesbian vampire) by Bachus |
AmberDawn 205.188.116.67 |
2-Feb-05/12:01 PM |
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I was definitely not expecting that at the end, but the poem is great. It left me wishing there was more to it.
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| Re: Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni |
Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99 |
2-Feb-05/1:08 PM |
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Ok, how's this: It makes sense, it just sucks. :0)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99 |
2-Feb-05/1:10 PM |
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Not the worst, but far from the best.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
tadpole 24.55.116.186 |
2-Feb-05/1:27 PM |
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Hmmm what makes me think I've heard this one before?
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| Re: Waiting for October by wilco |
tadpole 24.55.116.186 |
2-Feb-05/1:33 PM |
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Have you ever seen that movie about the red balloon I don't remember what it's called but it almost makes ya want to cry at parts?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
tadpole 24.55.116.186 |
2-Feb-05/1:41 PM |
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Whoa, I like this one
It feels really real
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| Re: Call of the Moon by arduinn |
sliver 64.12.116.135 |
2-Feb-05/2:38 PM |
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