regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 134.219.102.97	25-Jan-05/3:15 AM
Have you read any Octavio Paz? The line 'new beginnings remind me that my future lies in my past' struck a chord for me. But I would suggest you need to place more emphasis on rhythm, even if it doesn't rhyme it could be better if it flowed more smoothly.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 134.219.102.97	25-Jan-05/3:21 AM
I don't think you should put 'stupid planet' in the last stanza. I couldn't come to terms with the underlying meaning here until I read that; the significance of the rock was intriguing, but the tell-tale speech marks feel like a cop out to me. I like the way you personify the 'rock'.
regarding some deleted poem...	Lifeboatman 203.104.94.2	25-Jan-05/3:23 AM
hehe..10
Re: Ode 2 2Pac by PodPoet	some deleted user 134.219.102.97	25-Jan-05/3:01 AM
I like the way you address such contemporary themes here, its refreshing and intriguing, especially considering how many consider rap and hip-hop to be the most relevant form of poetry in today's world. However, I'm inclined to agree with Shuushin that you lose your momentum towards the end, as it feels like something of an anticlimax. 8
Re: Before I met you by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Shuushin 68.237.134.145	25-Jan-05/5:10 PM
That is pretty damn sweet, I gotta say. Enjoy the emotion, my friend - enjoy the emotion. couple spellings for you if you like: "wasen't" s/b "wasn't", "haden't", "hadn't" - except, as you may know - the misspellings add to the effect of the poem. Good luck.
Re: "I" became "We" by *.*ReAdY To SnAp.*.	Shuushin 68.237.134.145	25-Jan-05/5:19 PM
I like these - I'm not keen on the god theme (and I noticed you capitalized it here, and not on the last one) and I think it would be fine without it - but hey - it's your thang. Carry on.
Re: Renton: Girls Deferred by heartlessempath	wilco 24.165.207.93	24-Jan-05/7:29 PM
This is pretty not bad. 9.49
Re: Feudal Conflict by Dovina	patty t 64.231.4.9	24-Jan-05/8:02 PM
title: "Prima donna." I'd give that a 9.
Re: fly me away by damianlow	some deleted user 134.219.102.97	25-Jan-05/2:46 AM
Hmmmm, this has potential, but unfortunately I detect more than a faint whiff of plagiarism in the air. Are you an oasis fan by any chance? The bridge is oddly reminiscent of another song...
Re: Reasons by dancin_n_da_moonlite	some deleted user 134.219.102.97	25-Jan-05/3:09 AM
It definitely has a lyrical quality to it, I could imagine it being sung rather than recited. Not too sure about the flow though, there are times when it seems overburdened by the choice of language and this stifles the rythm a little.
Re: Ode 2 2Pac by PodPoet	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:32 AM
I, too, know nothing of the rap scene. But you've shown it to me here and it makes sense. I'll listen closer next time I hear it.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:36 AM
The first verse flows well. The rest seems unrelated, redundant even, supposition. I'd rather see snow flakes than "would be" flakes.
Re: Lonely People by april fool	Dovina 205.184.70.141	25-Jan-05/10:57 AM
Wish I were schizophrenic. Sounds like fun. Seem better, though, to make it personal, not pitting it inside their heads, but talk about how it is inside the head of a schizophrenic.
Re: Liberty bells & Disney Land by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:42 AM
its okay......but it sort of reminds me of a mediocre version of e.e.cummings.... -mega
Re: At a hotel room in Royal Oak by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:55 AM
i really like your writing ~are you published?~ <if not you should be> -mega
Re: Experimental Robot Questionaire by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/11:59 AM
i like this....... -mega
Re: Being by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 64.12.116.135	25-Jan-05/12:10 PM
~beautiful~ -megan
Re: An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Jan-05/2:27 PM
"Revivifying " don't see that one much. Consisten rhyming scheme, with a change on the refrain. Kasturi is Indian, no? You might want to trim some prepositions, maybe? Why do I harp on that so?
Re: Road of Means by MacFrantic	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Jan-05/2:32 PM
You're gonna haveta help me with this one I think. I'm trying at least - ozone layer destruction? It is a very nice start to something - but I think I need, or most people will need, more to get involved.
regarding some deleted poem...	Goad 217.82.3.181	25-Jan-05/4:53 PM
jesus christ, crystal. This is almost a pome! What's gotten into you? First stanza intrigued me. Last two lines are good too, and "broken roses"