SupremeDreamer
on Sosomizing My Way Into Heaven by Bachus
28 Dec 2007, 11:38 PM
Despicable and utterly delightful. Those saved for a dead god musn't be wasted. That would be a real sin that should be prevented.
A nice poem with difference.
what a superb portrait of a child growing like a tough beautiful flower from the dung of his father's shadow---I loved it!!
The dream that has changed world
The dream had snowed my mind
Where the shining was about to reflect beyond
On the mount of where the divinity was born
The infinity of love has fathomed all horizons
The exitance was not contained of this world
The world Where these two worldsâve been lost
Itâs time my longing eyes are raining my heart
And my lips are kissing my soul to fly away
To where it belongs as itâs following the dove
but my love is still trying to keep world away
from wars making all decayding days
from fears making that dream fade away
in this human greed just ashes will remain
nothing more than a fist can be gained
once there was a heart
now there is love last forever
The love is giving the peace
to those seekers of peace and love
Mery christmas ...and thanx for ur comments
and also ur beautiful poems has enchanted my mind and my heart
Good poem, a little melodramatic in spots, but overall portrayed with depth and emotion. The rhyme scheme was pretty good, "All my agony mist" seemed a little awkward and "black as a pit" a little cliche(ic), I loved the line "all that were left was memory's last breath" - Good job on this.
outstanding!!!
Debased soul in the devine body of
methylated illusion.
As much as I enjoy the short poem, due to lack of true inteligence...I can't seem to get a handle on this one. There's no oomph or moment of clarity, or nod, or small smile, or any of the things that brings instant understanding of what your saying, that should come with shorter writes.
"You wanna go do somethin'?"
sighs
"Nah"
- boredom, apathy...a statement, but is it poetry? hmmm?
The Christmas timing makes me wonder and chuckle. But I think it's tender and not Christmasey, but affectionate and giving. At least that's my take on it.
a sad tale well told.
Love the last stanza, and bits here and there also appeal. Stanzas one and two are nice but could be reworded to be a bit more, well, poetic. The sickly kids section is also promising, but I don't really like the word 'kids' in poetry. And I hate seeing life rhymed with strife. It's only a flying visit I've paid, but I have read this a couple of times since it was posted. Hope the Christmas season's treating you well!
Aside from the punctuation not scanning well at the start (it's the hyphen that threw me) this is excellent.
A nice poem ...
Been busy lately, couldn't get round to the ranker.
Obviously not the way I was going, (though I did miss my mark ) there's potential here.
Drop- Then the, as the, hot brakes, until, a sign, fuck it.
condense the jake line and the following line. Make jake a capital OR a corporation.
If I could find fault with this, I'd be a professor.
That's a compliment, Sir.
I don't know what you're doing. I just know it's working.
I wouldn't have gotten that but that's my ignorance about Plath.
It's offical. I hate you. Congrats.