Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	Dovina 24.52.156.155	29-Oct-04/11:07 AM
Explaining a poem is like calling it a riddle. I prefer to glean what I can without explanation. You could title it "Child Abuse," since your title is redundant anyway. Using King James English detracts unless you are consistant. Grammetical problems in lines 5, 8, and line 3 of S2. Good use of the tic Overuse of the wrath of god, unless you do more with it than say it four times. A lot of criticism? Yeah, but I agree with what you're saying.
Re: Ahkataka Akarnakuray by Imago	Tintagiles 198.164.251.198	28-Oct-04/8:08 PM
Either change 'Pray thee' to 'Prithee' or keep the second person singular throughout the whole sentence (e. g.: 'Pray thee art thou sound in mind?'
Re: Inane Muttering by Don-Quixote	Tintagiles 198.164.251.198	28-Oct-04/8:10 PM
For some reason, I actually like everything but the last line of each stanza (except for the first, which doesn't quite count.)
Re: Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101	Tintagiles 198.164.251.198	28-Oct-04/8:12 PM
Dear heavens that last line is bad. Unless it's a perfectly plotted last line to make us realise the whole thing's a joke, in which case it's quite brilliant. If (as I suspect) it's not, allow me to point something out: What would be sad would be if teen suicide WASN'T an issue. Its being an issue at least means someone's noticed. (The previous of course assumes one thinks suicide a bad thing.)
Re: From Womb To Wood by Caducus	Dovina 24.52.156.155	29-Oct-04/11:13 AM
From the last 3 lines, her son died as a baby. It's a moving picture as is, but, I'd have preferred to know this sooner.
Re: The Star Of The Bum by Blindpoetry	Dovina 24.52.156.155	29-Oct-04/11:21 AM
"very Horrendous" is the same as horrendous, and why capitalize it. "I think much like Nothing About You" means something, but what?
Re: The correct order of things by Stephen Robins	Tintagiles 198.164.251.198	28-Oct-04/8:15 PM
And what, prithee, is an unnatural pearl? The second-last line breaks the rhythm -- fix it up, it suddenly turns plodding. Perhaps 'Thought not, you dem thoughtless wanker' would do.
Re: Ahkataka Akarnakuray by Imago	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/8:21 PM
I didn't know there was a difference between the two. I just liked the harder sound of "pray thee" and the omenous double meaning of the word Pray. To put the lines in quotations is a better idea. Forgive me for my bad punctuation. This is the type of criticism I like. This is something I can use.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 205.188.116.67	28-Oct-04/8:28 PM
HA!!!! First one to comment on this one! I love this poem.. you are such a good poet! I wish i could write like you, i really do.. 10/10
regarding some deleted poem...	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/8:33 PM
First off. Thank you for your comment it was very useful. It feels like a rhyming poem but the fact that it doesn't rhyme takes nothing away from it. Obviously you've read the old masters as well as Karouac an Ginsberg. With repetion and flowery language it could have easily faltered but it didn't. 8
Re: Ahkataka Akarnakuray by Imago	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/8:46 PM
"art thou" "are you" I see what you mean. But I think it might throw off the beat a little. Let me spin it around in my head for a while and then I'll get back to you on it.
Re: Ash by horus8	edpeterson 68.79.20.59	28-Oct-04/9:01 PM
chunky
Re: Ash by horus8	edpeterson 68.79.20.59	28-Oct-04/9:01 PM
i emailed you something scary. did you get it?
Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/9:30 PM
It's about child abuse. Sorry tree huggers.
Re: This path by midnitebeauty101	horus8 24.130.62.63	28-Oct-04/9:58 PM
S0-So.
Re: Ending by Dovina	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/10:00 PM
Very vivid images. Well written but could use a stanza dedicated to the beauty of what the place was, for the sake of contrast. Right now it's more depressing than tragic. This poem should be bigger. I feel there's a great story in there. Right now it's a great photograph but I want the movie. 8 for now
Re: Ash by horus8	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/10:24 PM
Seems the poem is a metaphor for something lost. If so here's my solution. Do not the burning embers dwindle In the light of thier own lives (Yet)the oldest flames may still rekindle This is how love survives Let tragedy bind a family. I give you an 8 'cause I don't get the "bone for rain" thing.
regarding some deleted poem...	Imago 64.8.77.198	28-Oct-04/11:15 PM
If only it were true. The second verse is a 10 the others are 8. So 9 for you.
Re: Ending by Dovina	jroday 204.215.33.195	29-Oct-04/4:16 AM
Very well written -10-
Re: Dear George Bush by scitz	Dovina 24.52.156.155	29-Oct-04/11:51 AM
You never saw this kinda thing happen when the Democrats were running the country.