| Re: One True Instant by Dovina |
jroday 204.215.33.241 |
7-Oct-04/4:15 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
6-Oct-04/7:57 PM |
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I gotta try one of these some day. lol.
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| Re: As I wait to shoot a mallard, I consider life by somemorepoetry |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
6-Oct-04/8:09 PM |
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Another poem that deserves at least some light but will get none. damnit.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Patsy 208.38.29.227 |
6-Oct-04/11:32 PM |
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Realized i had never commented on this. Am taken with it, a year later.
it reminds of you then, harkens you now.
Do not step on my shadow.
Do not step on my shadow.
And such was the Fall."
Renders an indelible sadness. (not of real events, i'm not sublimating here-i mean taken by itself)
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| Re: I'll Take You In My Arms by ilovecars131 |
arduinn 165.21.83.230 |
7-Oct-04/3:07 AM |
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This is very nice.. Don't change anything.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
arduinn 165.21.83.230 |
7-Oct-04/3:11 AM |
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This poem is not THAT bad, really...
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| Re: Black Woman by jroday |
jroday 204.215.33.241 |
7-Oct-04/4:10 AM |
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I did'nt mean to delete your comments I really did'nt
you can call me an ass hole on this one I'm not a woman
I'm a man and again i apologize to both of you DARK A.
and DOVINA
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
7-Oct-04/8:32 AM |
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Here's what bugs me:
S-1 (yet) it's a pothole. at least cold patch it, please
S-3 lines 1 and 2 contradict each other empty/full
and (fulfilled) would be fine just -filled
S-4 (yet) again. just drop that one.
Here's what I like:
Everything else. particularly the use of -spines-.
I know. rewrites suck. but they're so worth the effort.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
7-Oct-04/8:33 AM |
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whoops. (IN) a crib of sycamore?
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| Re: Powder Blue by [mojo] |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
7-Oct-04/8:39 AM |
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yes. a nice silk/satin groove.
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| Re: Potential Tragedy by [mojo] |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
7-Oct-04/8:43 AM |
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| Re: The Mortician: Scourge of the pen. by SupremeDreamer |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
7-Oct-04/8:58 AM |
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Some good thoughts here, especially that a mortician is there "to facilitate the apathetic-but-proper
disposal of the soul."
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| Re: Nothing's Forever by cuddlytiger17 |
Caducus 172.202.31.145 |
7-Oct-04/9:01 AM |
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too good to be a pimple where is the blood and whining?
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| Re: DUKE BLOBBY;;;;; by MR Blobby |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
7-Oct-04/9:09 AM |
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There was a certain king
who had ten thousand men
He marched them up the hill one day
and marched them down again.
And when you're up, you're up
And when you're down, you're down
and when you're only half way up,
you're neither up n0or down.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
7-Oct-04/9:19 AM |
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I have to admire your keeping at this - third major revision if memory serves. Almost like Whitman kept at Leaves of Grass and probably shouldn't have. Still elusive. Meanings in murky canal water.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
7-Oct-04/9:35 AM |
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I like "Buried bones in coloured spines." and, "immortalized on diseased elm . . . where fading names reside"
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| Re: On the Discovery of Bacchus and Lovely Clothespins by MacFrantic |
MacFrantic 204.98.2.23 |
7-Oct-04/1:26 PM |
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This is my one hundreth poem on the site! Under three pseudonyms of course! Keep on keepin' on.
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| Re: Call of the Moon by arduinn |
electroman1979 152.163.100.68 |
7-Oct-04/8:50 PM |
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it was good, liked it, -10-
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| Re: I am a Man by steven adams |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63 |
8-Oct-04/2:46 AM |
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| Re: Pop Quiz by steven adams |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 24.130.62.63 |
8-Oct-04/2:46 AM |
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