Re: Living? by Revekka	shit 200.97.131.74	22-Jul-04/3:18 AM
loved it!
regarding some deleted poem...	x0lovelylarnx0 205.188.116.141	22-Jul-04/11:01 AM
that was horrible.
Re: Summer by Dovina	INTRANSIT 149.174.164.15	22-Jul-04/11:02 AM
love the cadence.
Re: Summer by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 64.160.147.161	22-Jul-04/7:45 PM
Good images. The meter hold true throughout until the end. I guess if you're going to break rhythm that's the place to do it. But, somehow, the loss of those two beats at the end of the last line is disconcerting.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 211.27.72.79	22-Jul-04/8:00 PM
Hi, I don't know I wanted you to get real up close and personal with this one. I could relate to the situation though. mircale - miracle typo.
Re: youre there... by PhSbLoNdE569	tori 67.51.98.207	21-Jul-04/10:46 PM
A very nice expression of the whole jared situation ash, which i do believe is the problem in this poem. Or maybe its sum1 else cuz u wrote this in march n jared was more recent.... hmmmm well ne ways, its nice .. and heres a 8
Re: i think by PhSbLoNdE569	tori 67.51.98.207	21-Jul-04/10:49 PM
OMG i love this poem ash!! its very very good, definately ur best and heres a 10!!!!! .. which is well deserved
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.70	22-Jul-04/10:14 AM
Drop the 99 bottles line. I dunno on this one. Later perhaps.
Re: Depth of Void by Prince of Void	Prince of Void 217.66.199.251	22-Jul-04/4:50 AM
The ambiguity creates it own beauty …in the world of alternatives … So I should see the world in different aspects or ways I mean I am just trying to define my own definition of another vision That I got it from the experiences…that’s really different with others It’s clear …take the step that might not be accepted as others think or believe But Ill do what I want because I want to make my own choices My poems represent me...And the world has been discovered in depth of my imagination
Re: Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT	SupremeDreamer 204.31.170.20	22-Jul-04/5:56 AM
Much better. Ten.
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 204.31.170.20	22-Jul-04/5:56 AM
Revision can do wonders.. ten.
Re: Wholes: the year in reflection by impert&ent	SupremeDreamer 204.31.170.20	22-Jul-04/6:06 AM
Not too bad really, for a love poem anyway. Blessed with seven.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159	22-Jul-04/6:35 AM
I see you have made time in your busy schedule of bumfucking a pathetic ladyboy to briefly post a link and write a short message in all caps. For a minute there I thought you'd lost it. And for the love of christ why would a transformer have tits?
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	22-Jul-04/6:37 AM
"The towel we layed (SIC)on was satirical." Alternatively you could throw the whole lot in the bin and start again?
regarding some deleted poem...	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	22-Jul-04/8:10 AM
"concrete lawn of man" is such a strong metaphor.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.70	22-Jul-04/9:28 AM
I didn't think you could lose the "interpretive powers" but it works. Perfect. When will dessert be ready?
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.70	22-Jul-04/9:32 AM
Painfully delicious.
Re: Flying things by INTRANSIT	Dovina 24.52.157.176	22-Jul-04/11:42 AM
I haven't read Carl Sandburg's poem and should before commenting, but I had to laugh at the wrecking ball because it's what I think I need around here half the time and then say, no it's the other half I stay for.
Re: Flying things by INTRANSIT	god'swife 209.178.164.208	22-Jul-04/12:16 PM
Fine poem. I would have to say your writing is possibly the most improved on this site. If there was a prize for that, I would definitely nominate you. That said; You change tense in the second stanza- 'I could bleed...' 'as I fought...' It's either 'I bled...' or 'as I fight...'. I can't understand how your using 'weaponry' are you saying the pen's weaponry(where weaponry is used as an adj.) or are you saying the pen IS weaponry(where weaponry is used as a noun)? I don't think that word is working for you. 'Because I know it's (violence, murder, tendency, thirst etc...)' Shouldn't it be 'MY reluctance' in the first stanza? Otherwise I think it's perfect. A nice economy of words.
Re: Summer by Dovina	Nateislate 67.42.43.177	22-Jul-04/12:24 PM
Very nice one.