| Re: You can seize my smile by Prince of Void |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:19 PM |
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Your crowns on too tight.
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
Mona Lisa 195.92.168.178 |
15-Jun-04/3:21 PM |
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5-7-5 structure like a haiku, but not of nature but of life.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:21 PM |
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Did you run-over your wife?
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
Shuushin 147.154.235.51 |
15-Jun-04/3:25 PM |
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EXCELLENT. and you even called it the right name!
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| Re: Girl and a Drugstore Novel by snacktime |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:24 PM |
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If poetry was a picnic, this would be potato salad that sat out int he sun too long.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:27 PM |
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Do you sing this at AA meetings? No, impossible, since they're all better poets than you, they'd throw coffee cups at your head, and burn you with their cigarettes.
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:30 PM |
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Thwere should be a period at the end of the 3rd line, or no puncuation at all.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
15-Jun-04/2:20 PM |
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I agree. The title could be a little better, but great nonetheless.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
DR Limerick 62.31.23.120 |
15-Jun-04/2:48 PM |
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Im getting to be a bit of a fan of your poems
i just like the strange erie feel to them!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:02 PM |
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Crap from the first. Why don't you submit an application to MTV's MADE. They'll send you a poetry coach, and put you on a diet.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
god'swife 4.231.167.124 |
15-Jun-04/3:10 PM |
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Q: When is a cock not suspicious?
A: When it's LONGanimous. (you know, patient endurance of HARDship)
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| Re: tripped on an eggo by horus9 |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/7:26 PM |
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/7:27 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/7:30 PM |
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You have a point Shin Shuu,but the poem should be for you,not publication.
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| Re: tripped on an eggo by horus9 |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
15-Jun-04/7:39 PM |
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How can you smoke a joint and call Bob Marley a fag?
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| Re: Girl and a Drugstore Novel by snacktime |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/7:43 PM |
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Better than anything "god's wife" could dream of putting on paper!Don't let his or her self loathing stop you from self expression.Keep writing how or what you feel.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/7:55 PM |
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Not bad at all.I give you a seven.
P.S."god's wife" please stop being so great and wise.
It makes you sound so sad and lonely.
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| Re: You can seize my smile by Prince of Void |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/8:10 PM |
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Not bad,but you need to use a more compact, yet broader range of words,maybe something that flows just a tad better.And by the way never take "god's wife's" sad caption as being an actual person's opinion.
Keep putting your words on paper!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Doug 152.163.253.1 |
15-Jun-04/8:17 PM |
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Yes, the first three lines are not needed,but still pretty decent.
P.S. "god's wife" is a terrible and lowley critic!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.51 |
15-Jun-04/10:23 AM |
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its like they have their own little mind, isn't it.
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