Re: Fastso by Dovina	that_funny_girl 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/9:32 AM
i like this - makes you think - 9
Re: What? by DaRkMoOnLuVeR	i_am_the_popsicle 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/9:10 AM
uch, no offence but this is terribly terribly cliched, and i dont feel it is all that well written - 4 -
Re: Nothing And Everything by DaRkMoOnLuVeR	i_am_the_popsicle 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/9:08 AM
interesting and i like some of the word choice especially at the end, however it often at times seems just a bit forced and im not quite sure i get the purpose of this poem - 6 -
Re: His Light by DevilBuni	crooked_smile 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/8:49 AM
ah, id say this is just a tab bit cliched, and the rhyming is stale and seems forced, you also spelled souless wrong i believe...the idea you are trying to convey are nice but I think you need to liven it up a bit......- 5 -
Re: You Fell Asleep First by jessicazee	crooked_smile 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/8:47 AM
ooh i love this im not sure if you were trying to convey an "inner" meaning, or if you were just giving an illustrative piece but either way i think its excellent - 10 -
Re: Fastso by Dovina	edpeterson 68.79.19.251	5-Mar-05/8:44 AM
ahhh.. those were the good old days when I could lie back on the sofa of an afternoon and slag away, unimpeded by the demanding task of critiquing poemes.
Re: Fastso by Dovina	edpeterson 68.79.19.251	5-Mar-05/8:42 AM
Well, it may have gone on a bit, but the first stanza made me guffaw with a recklessness I had not known since middle school. I think I will give you a real vote on this one, as it is a nice change-up from that programming hunger bullshit. You have earned it with what I percieve to be genuine repentance. Forgiveness is yours my child.
Re: a note to the politically inactive fundamentalist christians by i_am_the_popsicle	edpeterson 68.79.19.251	5-Mar-05/8:36 AM
Well, if nothing else, at least this puddle of poorly executed drivel has sparked another masterpiece from -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. For providing the impetus for his his comment, I applaud you, and, really, I should vote 10 on this asinine ramble based on his comment alone. But I cannot, in good conscience, do so.
Re: Do I Know U? by DaRkMoOnLuVeR	crooked_smile 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/8:36 AM
im not a very big fan of rhyming, and this does sound rather forced to me - 5-
Re: Losing To Anatomy by Blindpoetry	crooked_smile 205.188.116.135	5-Mar-05/8:32 AM
very interesting, i like the images and the melody of it, but im not quite sure im understanding the full meaning
Re: a comment on Woman on the Stairs by James Rykelangeli	Dovina 12.72.6.79	5-Mar-05/7:28 AM
No, Goad, this staircase newel Indeed brightens night like a jewel Its chandelier stars And mystery like mars Bespatter your thoughts to the cesspool
Re: a note to the politically inactive fundamentalist christians by i_am_the_popsicle	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.224	5-Mar-05/4:00 AM
OK. Gayness should be legalised because by and large it's a victimless hobby, and giving homo couples a similar legal status to normals wouldn't really compromise the existing institution of marriage... but wait... what am I saying? "A victimless hobby"? What about all those leopards that have to die, just so gays can have leopard skin undergarments? What of all those poor, innocent cub scouts they keep chained up, and naked, in the vast labyrinth of catacombs that every gay household has beneath their dwelling? And what of the terrible pillow shortages that are sure to ravage the countryside as gays chomp their way through the nation's supply, wide eyed and oblivious, driven mad by the frenzied lusts of sexual immoderation? Quibbling aside, what I find truly "unbelievably appalling" about this poeme is that you don't seem to have thought about abortion at all. It's definitely not in the same ball park as legalised nonce marriage. To anyone who believes that the unborn child is a living human being, abortion is mass murder on a whopping scale. It's a matter of consistency. I mean, surely you must agree that expelling a foetus from the unmentionables and severing the umbilical cord doesn't, in itself, suddenly make the child sentient. The dumpling was sentient BEFORE it was excreted. Can you tell me you're honestly certain at what point a foetus has the right not to be murdered? Of course in cases where giving birth could seriously harm the mother one's mind has to parp, and give her some say in the matter, but at least admit that we're dealing with a conflict of rights here, and that abortion is a very serious issue indeed. -no vote-
Re: You Fell Asleep First by jessicazee	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 163.1.146.224	5-Mar-05/2:48 AM
I wish I had a degree in Ethnic Studies. It would be well ace.
Re: So I Hear by Vince Dolamando	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.204	5-Mar-05/2:12 AM
"to quit" not "to quite". Other than that, ace. -8-
Re: a comment on Woman on the Stairs by James Rykelangeli	Goad 217.82.3.177	4-Mar-05/6:22 PM
No, Dov', this marmoreal newel (Though it brightens the night like a jewel) Wasn't written for mullin' It's just some wank pullin' On his moonlight bespatteréd tool.
Re: We Have Nothing to Talk About by jessicazee	edpeterson 68.20.2.148	4-Mar-05/4:18 PM
stiff as a board.
Re: Pain by DaRkMoOnLuVeR	edpeterson 68.20.2.148	4-Mar-05/4:16 PM
at least by the bay. that's just bloody good writing.
Re: Pain by DaRkMoOnLuVeR	edpeterson 68.20.2.148	4-Mar-05/4:15 PM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Brilliant. Should be a "pimple"
Re: A Dozen Roses by jroday	edpeterson 68.20.2.148	4-Mar-05/4:10 PM
The seventh rose holds the caring I give so full and free I could be wrong, but I think you mean "hose"
Re: A Dozen Roses by jroday	Dovina 12.72.11.213	4-Mar-05/12:29 PM
The sentiment is hearthelt. The idea of relating sentiment to 12 roses is good. The 9th and 10th are especially nice. But too many lines try too hard to rhyme, and try too little for expression of the feelings you have. Line 2, for example, rhymes with Line 1, but should do more.