Stephen Robins
replying on Ebony shadow by Twiggy77
11 Nov 2004, 3:37 AM
LOL.
But according to Choad the connection is so very dim and weak as to be preposterous. Please explain.
O.K. NOW I see that yer a Brit, Haven't voted, or commented on anything. read read read. comment, visit, learn. Welcome.
The shadow of THIS mortal CONSTANTLY questions my fate, But it's all about morals anyway! Right?
A few miscpewings. elliminate the dash between mime artist. Other than that???
We know you. You're the 2270th of you here. "hopefully you don't write like you talk" was the giveaway. An gentleman would have checked.
PS-Now you will look at one each of our poems, give them zeroes and vague tetchy comments, get bored with the site, leave. Hurry along, then.
If this is what you want do say, that's o.k, But re-write, again and again. Where to begin? In the first stanza, using dread, and then beating it 'till it's dead, No. Buy a Thesourus, find a chorus, and next time... try not to bore us. But KEEP WRITING.
PS-I'm full of spelling errors today. It's cause Yasser's dead. There were actually people wailing in the street this morning.
Sorry, none of it holds together. Now you seems like you're trying to make it:
Image(JOKES)
Image(MISSIVES)
Image(HIS WOUNDS)
Image(MY WOUNDS)
JOKES,
HIS WOUNDS,
MISSIVES,
MY WOUNDS.
Not only is that a totally unnatural construction, but it falls apart or is inconsistent all over the place. Like how in stanza 2 you have either "Black limbs sagging frosty and white" or "frosty and white Tan earth hidden". Jesus.
The best fix is to change lines 3-4 to be an image for his wounds and lines 7-8 to be an image for your wounds somehow related to the "black limbs sagging". You see? The black limbs are now your missives. Which is good, because they reach out but in a sagging weak kind of way. Now ask yourself, what are they surrounding? Not tan earth, and earth doesn't seem really wounded anyway. It has to hold together. Anyway, it should be easy from there. Limbs can surround any number of things that represent wounds, like - I don't know - shattered birdsnests or sections of sky or something. You lose the "closer to the ground" thing then, but that was kind of irrelevant anyway; it can just as easily be who's higher up.
No
I especially like the comparison,unclear roads...
You turd! QUESTION: If a stich in time didn't save you nine, what would it do? Would you even know?
Dimtard is not your word. Stop using it now.
You misspelled ensure.
Maybe you're right, Dovina. It's not about absolute smarts or ignorance, here, since clearly the dimmest among us is as likely to think he's smart as anyone else, and to think everyone else is dim. It's more about whether you can take being called "A perfectly shaped football-sized turd of illiteracy couched in a rather damp briefcase" (or something such) and having your glaring errors nestled around your ears like so many meat-laurels every time you log onto the site, until you either meet to our demands or find some way to justify ignoring us.
smut
i really like this one, nice job.
He was if He's perfect --------- (insert insult!!!!!)
Enbrowned bird
A fistfull of fuck.