-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Grandma by Dovina
4 Nov 2004, 3:39 PM
It is true that elderlies have supremely heightened senses, often developing new senses to compensate for their appalling bladder control. Many employ metallic probes which, when combined with rampant and erratic flailing, mean their sphere of immediate physical contact is widened to disproportionately insolent proportions. That elderlies are wiser than normals is beyond any doubt. For should an elderly pass stool on a discarded badmington racket, it is not the elderly that will suffer the horrific consequences, but the naked, supple, golden skinned badmington player, who in a fit of youthful foolhardiness left it in the Winston Churchill Bingo Museum.
A nice image - man/woman, moon/sun - long dance before the eclipse when she graciously accepts. How about a line break after anew? And "ill-fated" seems wrong with all we know about orbits.
The lunar eclipse was on 10/27/04, and you seem to be talking about a solar eclipse, so why the title?
YOu make do with a burger king napkin. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Fall IS the perfect time of year in Tennessee, but to say that it is different, if not for lack of change, brings up images of good ol' boys, a holler an' 'shine.
aids aids you nothing about aids.
good write
It doesn't matter if there senses are sharpen are not. They are
more wiser than we are(young people). You can't fault older people for young people with, say, childhood Arthritis. no man,
woman or child know whats predestined for them. only one person
knows that.And pain hurts i dont give a ---- how old you are.
A banboon fart across the moon
troubling the weaken world and it's core
our eyes gazed upon to fear
haiku haiku is nice. butyours make no sense at all. dream on poet dream on poet dream on.
"Casting men up mountains to moan
alone with one another under hood." what is this? a lost in denial. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Very nice. Good job.
I only have shells
and rest is pittiful
to dream about this place
blah blah. whatever. this haiku is nice. but it sucks. is beautiful too. but it lacks the quality of nature. So i think is great. But really is bad and stupid.
Well thank you very much. I honestly have to say that people like you, who've criticized what I wrote in the past, have inspired me to better the way I write. I still have a long ways to go, lol, but I guess I am getting a bit better. Thanks again. :)
Again, I wonder why you spend so much time on these comments. Your points could have been stated with 10% of the words, or I’m missing something. Yes, I will take your suggestion of using characters sometimes to say the unsupportable stuff. Yes, I tell more and show less than most readers like, and maybe I’ll decide someday to conform to their wishes. Yes, I state my personal views in some of my poems. Btw, I like poems that contain real feelings that strike chords of resonance within me. And yes, that is an unsupportable attitude.
Many people do good works because they feel obligated – by religion, ethics, return of favors, etc. Goodness of heart is a quality that breeds good works from within the person’s nature. Senses are sharpened to understand pain in others because of this quality .
I think the last line would work better in the absence of commas.
I also think this is great. Mushrooms, reared in so much shit and mulch, waiting and enduring, stoic almost.
Pod-monsters is a highlight
I'm suspicious of poems which do that repeated-adjective-on-its-own-line thing. Call me screwy.
And I don't like the last two lines at all.
I agree with richa again. I don't think older peoples' senses are sharpened. Considering how bad things are for young people with, say, childhood arthritis, it's easy to imagine old peoples' senses are dulled somewhat to pain.
Honest question: What do you think is the difference between good works and goodness of the heart? Do you think people just accidentally do good works most of the time?