arduinn
on A Reflective Window by lukehanney
10 Oct 2004, 3:18 AM
For one long poem.. This is bloody good.
Oops.. My bad. Thank you for pointing it out..
It's not that. I just don't see shoulders as standing. Even after seeing it in the poem and being a relatively imaginative person, I don't see it. But if you're just going to get all huffy and hurt any time I try to offer some real criticism, that's fine by me. "understanding of the situation" is a pretty dumb way to say something.
Last line-should behave be behaving? -7-
I really liked this. It flows so well. Only problem I had was with the last 2 lines of the 8th stanza. They didn't flow as the rest of the poem did. Otherwise it's really great! ~10~
It started out alright, but then it got pretty corny.
I thought you would understand about shoulders standing inert and unpunctuated without understanding of the situation, but aparently not.
"God is dead, and no one cares... If there is a hell, I'll see you there".
Excellent, there can be no more fitting tribute to the poet or indeed welshness than rhyming Jones with trombone.
3rd line needs an "r" on "you"
I really liked it. Good job. The last line of the chorus didn't flow right for me though, but that's just my opinion.
Nicholas Jones = Legend
Subject to the but of my poetry and took it all very well... if you don't mind Nicholas I'm working on Ode No. 4
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
A very poor, and needlessly rude example of poetry. I will admit that clerihews are not known for quality, but for wit. However, this is just rude.
By the way Nicholas Jones = Legend.
Heh, Peach fuzz.
I did'nt know if he was a stranger or really your husband. I knew
you were only talking about one. thats what got me. you can just
call me william and tea will be served at 5:00pm malady (SMILE)
I love the expression "the battle to win hearts and minds". It's such an ace manly way to describe breaking the traditional melon in the company of old men so sexually overwrought (from oppressing all their women into nonexistence) that casually resting a hand on your thigh while insisting on calling you "Habeebi" (or whatever the Farsi equivalent is) is the closest they've come to orgasm since the Taliban outlawed men's undergarments. That, and it's just a fucking hilarious thing to say, whatever the situation.
PS-The people here (AND their neighbors) are constantly plotting to feed me goat-meat doused liberally with goat-yoghurt (skinned goat-head included). And today on the bus, a kid in high-school plotted for almost a half-hour to say "Hello, what's your name?" in English, though I happened to be having a conversation in Arabic with the bus driver at the time. Weird how different things are for us, huh?
Sincerely,
zodiac
Karak, Jordan
I suppose as long as you two are achieving mutual (if not simultaneous) orgasms then I should be happy for you, as really very few people are afforded even that. But I'm not - happy, I mean. This whole conversation strikes me as rather empty and sad and kind of just endlessly repeating "hey people get different interpretations from different things! Weird, huh?" and then sighing these big undeserved postcoital sighs that everyone else in the restaurant frankly finds more than a little bit disgusting, like getting off on cutting or weird anal insertions - that is, you only can by being a little bit self-involved and susceptible to suggestion.
As far as this poem goes, why did you say the shoulders were "standing", instead of some other, better verb? And why isn't anything here punctuated?
Whatever do you mean?
lol nopes. gotta love it.