berdabear
on Green by berdabear
27 Sep 2004, 2:52 PM
Tag! Desired effect. Its like looking in the eyes of someone you love so much it aches inside. And you feel like drowning in it. Like your dizzy with desire.
Long rhymes with "strong" in the next stanza.
Where ya bin? Haven't heard from ya in a while. Thought maybe you drove your truck to Cuba or something. How'd you get the plane down at the chicken farm?
Two in the niche
One in the pinch
wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
replying on The Shocker (or "Where to put your fingers") by Tits
27 Sep 2004, 11:55 AM
Two in the cress;
One in the mess.
Two in the goo;
One in the poo.
Two in the flap;
One in the crap.
dreams like the many ,too many outside the few, dying away with the days, you struck a good score on this to your name , how void is our lives.
One was just making the point that to prove good poets make good critics requires one to name good poets and not good critics. You requested me to name a good critic. Irrelevant!
ps-your ps was the most needlessly complicated sentence ever.
that's it! I'm movin' to Sparta.
What the?????? I don't know what you're doing to improve , but it's working. Very very well I might add.
are you suggesting I delete the informative line only, or the line in quotes as well?
Written as a paradoxical viewpoint that an ironic omen could have happened in the earlier life of Jesus. This sonnet portrays Christ as a man prior to his becoming of a messiah, and the spritual elements which could have hinted to his eventual fate and demise.
I am fascinated by the possibility that Christ as a man became the 'mortal ghost' once he transcended in to a messiah, when he died as a messiah he became the holy ghost in resurrection but in his ending of a man maybe we became the unholy ghost - mortals for which he died a martyr for, so he could lead us in to his path of righteousness and not the road to hell, the road of us trying to be who we can never be.
Road = Ro(Roman) ad(anno domini) road created by romans, path created by christ.
If two things (pretty blue eyes and pale skin) are causing the reaction, the proper verb would be "make", not "makes."
"Pretty blue eyes" is ho-hum, unimaginative and fundamentally undescriptive. You are telling, not letting the poem do the work that leads us to understand what it is about those eyes that is so special.
Unique body? Again, a classification w/o an image. Sounds more like a customized car than a woman.
Because I don't come inside the experience but only hear it described in mundane terms, this comes off as an uninteresting diary entry.
Is the last line- "The red wheelbarrow" is a poem by William Carlos Williams- part of the poem? I think the poem makes more sense without it.
the hardened tar throws me. I'd like to see -has been for long- somehow rhyme. such puny nits i have.
pneumatic. ffffwwWWWEEEEEEE! perfect.
Is it still only available online? Finished the "holy" book. woofed it down in about six days. driving slows my reading terribly. I'm still thinkin' 'bout how to get that homellette in person. How are you? Healthy I hope. Grenada, Granada, grand nada. Another buffet thats' true to you. HASSAAAAAAN CHOP!!!!
My apologies to all. I have committed the most henious crime of attributing a poem to the wrong poet and will now don the Wellingtons of shame, size: clown.
Do you mean "wazzock"? Or have you invented a new word?