sliver
on A Poem by BigB
5 Sep 2004, 5:01 PM
I would have to agree w/ Dovina, The crappy title makes me expect a crappy poem, You have a good image here, but you need to knead it a little more.
I have enjoyed this immensly, and you danced around many of the edges I walk in life. Well written, well thought out. Definite-10-
Why can't she be the yellow and you the blue, or maybe purple?
Sometimes separation is the only avenue.
Actually, my eyes are blue-green.
'Creep in to her in the night"
Into her room or back to the uterus?
"And settle for knowing she knows" possibly
"And settle for knowing she knows more."
Does this change what you are saying or make it clearer? -8- maybe a -10- if I were not confused by those two lines.
PERHAPS AT PEACE! AND WITH MANY IRAQIAN AND AMERICAN MOTHERS ECSTATIC IF THEY NO LONGER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT "THEIR BOYS" KILLING EACH OTHER FOR THOSE OLD GRAY-HAIRED MEN IN POWER WHO HAVE NOT THE COURAGE TO DO THE FIGHTING THEMSELVES!
Please, at least point out the grammar and spelling.
An essay. A statement of position. Not a poem. I agree with you.
This is the kind of poem that wins contests. It probably brought loud applause if you read it before an audience. It has the normally desired elements. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoy its flow and appreciate the images and descriptions. But it sacrifices meaning for prose, follow-through for rhythm. It is like a beautiful melody having lyrics that seem beautiful because of their attachment to the music.
Spreading Sturm und drang across two lines looks very poor, you ae breaking aconcept where no concept should be broken, still there is some nice imagery here, made me remember being an undergraduate.
A poet is someone who uses words to communicate, for such a person to sabotage the meanings of words is a bit like sawing off the branch that is holding you up. A sonnet is a set form, if you wish to design a new form, do so, but have the dignity to devise your own name for it as well instead of trying to steal the grandeur of those, who in their respect of the form made it great, and thus gave it the accolades you seek to touch by erroneously naming your poem a sonnet. Sonnet forms that are not regularly used by a large number of quality poets are little more than illusory shadows in the corners of deluded minds
Could you explain how this gets to be called a sonnet???????????
Nice to see such intelligent constructive interaction, considering I haven't seen one correctly written sonnet yet I sense a certain imagery of pots and kettles here.
Not that the poem is any good, but the criticism is for the most part worse.
A broken 8
5 for the thought.
this is..stupid.
i understand.
vulgarities. are not tolerated.