INTRANSIT
replying on You Can't Kill A Dead Man! by dougsoderstrom
1 Aug 2004, 6:31 AM
Wow! Being called out by a fellow poet to fight? How fellow can he be?
Even with the title, this works both ways. Ugh! I'm feeling girlish this morning.
I rather like it. I like the cadence but the 4th line os s-2 seems just a bit wordy. Excellent stanza though.
a nice poem ..we shoud learn from that
It will be -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
Why are you unbelievable nincompo'ops using Word to write plain text? Would you drive an aeroplane down the street to buy a News-paper? Yes, you would. And then you would log onto an Internet driving forum and complain that your car's wings kept "bumping into trees".
kinda a "bad thought" poem, think happy thoughts :D
I use [Shift]+[Enter] at the end of the lines - cuz I hate that, sometimes that "acrosticness" seems insanely noticable.
For what its worth, I didn't notice that on yours - until you said something. Now. Yep.
This has a nice cadence, btw. I think for me to make sense of it would require a little more analysis on my part - and then I might not agree with it, so - have an 8 for the benefit of the doubt.
Therapeutic?
Also, you don't have to copyright your poems here.
Oh well. Let he who is without error cast the first insult in my direction. Who will it be?
Yeah, I use word too, and have to go back and de-capitalize.
Incidentally, did you notice the capitalized first letter of each line? Stupid Microsoft Word. Makes it look like I was trying to do some kind of fucked up Acrostic. lol.
nada.
makes sense. Chat is not working for me. How about you?
The vague and dreamy outcome of the mixture of Nyquil and Bourbon.
I've read this three times and it's still perplexing. First, I see so much variety that "Startlingly similar are the plains From one coast to the other" throws me. And why would the the goal of the wasted and youthful be to quiet these thoughts? Then comes a line I relate to and like: "to keep them in the forefront is the curse of the aged and foolish." The last verse I try to relate to the title and end up only vaguely able. Maybe it's supposed to be vague and dreamy.
Because I moved.
Well said.
you aint sposed to vote on yer own stuff, FR!
Has a 50's lyrical quality to it, and despite the indentations and easy sentiment, I like it.
Take Dovina's advice and lose the first satanza
See what happens when you post poetry that people don't enjoy reading. You get comments like that. This is better than "Dead" and doesn't have a bad idea behind it, but you need to work on your presentation.