<{Baba^Yaga}>
on Prophets by unknown^user
1 Aug 2004, 11:33 PM
Fuzz, so I read about those sky islands you guys have there in those mountains of Arizona, fascinating.
The best ever
Actually I'm a Russian with biracial parents, raised in a French-Russian speaking household and didn't learn english till around age 6 or 7 at which point I was living outside the US. I believe that makes me NOT A YANKEE by any stretch of the word.
The fact that I have a better grasp of the English language than you do when it is my third and your first language demonstrates the extent to which your subaverage, superarrogant, and hopelessly unpoetic intellect is not worth the brain-farts it generates.
Have a nice day.
Yahoo!
Ride 'em cowboy!
you mean you are way "past" not "passed"
Though I'm sure in the past you have been passed by many guys who say "damn Joe, look at that disgusting marm over there"
Great
Not if they're hendecasyllabic. They're supposed to have five stressed syllables interspersed with 5 or 6 unstressed syllables.
STOP COUNTING SYLLABLES
Learn what iambic pentameter is before you initiate anymore verbal defication
Um hello?
Irony alert!
You've got fight/life as a rhyme, hope/boat as a rhyme, and to top it all off you've got not ONE LINE in this sonnet that is in iambic pentameter!
NOT ONE!
You should count syllables too hun, and you might also want to count stresses and word accents.
Shoot 'im.
"wispears" highly original, totally moronic.
This is the best pimple poem ever!!! But wait?
What's this!!! You're serious!...? What a tit.
Splendid!
A good thoughtful ramble.
Line 1, do you mean "your teeth"?
Might want to reconsider, "Whose money runs your immortality?" It throws in a new thought, maybe not needed. And if it's a sonnet, might want to reconsider the indentation and line break.
better saying for that is this below
Despairing seed into this depth of earth that is the arm of chaos
that's nice sonnet ..really
Blobby blob
I think it would be stronger if some lines were omitted. Try leaving these out:
Your in command,
no longer theirs,
are yours for your delights,
yours are the only ones you hear,
no complaints on how you good you are,
its like your the only one here,
The marketing campaign is working, I think. I hate you less and less.
But is your keyboard broken or something?
you are = you're
pretend that for every comma, you will loose 10 readers; take them all out and put them back where they are really, really needed.
Unless you are Kirk, then have at it.
a prepositional phrase slugfest. Should you try to cut down on that one thing, your poems will be better for it.
I want to use my other standard line about showing not telling, but then I'd start to sound rude. Can't have that.
I like the idea, btw, of painting this generic but lovely picture, then exposing a specific memorable element - but the rest of this is distracting me.
Conversation with deity is much like yelling at yourself in your head. Maybe it’s the same thing. In the first line, the believer asks who the great mind of god helps, implying that he has developed doubts and thinks there may not be such a mind. The answer, which I show as God’s words, is my experience that such help comes in the present, inside us, to comfort the believer and not so much in the physical world as he wants to believe. Once he comes to this attitude, he becomes bewildered and asks why, or “Why am I not able to deal with this?” And then the guilt falls on him for not having enough faith, which he interprets as god saying, “Whose fault is that?” After some groping, the believer decides that nothing can be relied upon. To which god answers, yes, but you cannot do without me because I made you with a need which only I can fill. Once the believer understands this he obtains a peace, which is beyond understanding, or without understanding or logic. I may not have earned more than an 8, but that’s what I was groping with. Thanks.
Are you yelling at yourself in your head? This is what confuses/bugs me about this. 8 for now.