Poemranker [most recent comments (26961-26980) and replies]

Dan garcia-Black on The Annual January Thaw by Dovina 27 Jul 2004, 7:10 PM

Great last two lines! The reversal of whom is against what took me a re-read to get. Well worth it to someone who thinks a hike is walking to the corner 7-11 instead of taking the car.

gregsamsa222 replying on Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 27 Jul 2004, 6:48 PM

...and greatness has nothing to do with length.

irdaryl on Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 27 Jul 2004, 6:41 PM

length has nothing to do w/ greatness.

INTRANSIT on The Annual January Thaw by Dovina 27 Jul 2004, 5:45 PM

Interesting shuffle.

INTRANSIT replying on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 5:41 PM

thank you though.

INTRANSIT replying on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 5:39 PM

Well Dovy, how long does it take human tissue, or a culture, to decompose? (ret)

INTRANSIT replying on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 5:34 PM

My original idea involved Africa. I thought it too cliche. Damn Olympics. heh.

Shuushin on The Annual January Thaw by Dovina 27 Jul 2004, 1:12 PM

I must be one of those embittered stoics. I remember hiking, not in January (May I think), when there was no snow at the bottom of the mountain so I wore hi-tops on a whim - mistake since I was soon tramping through snow... crappy snow. Good poem.

Dovina on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 12:47 PM

The carbon dating thing throws me because it dates dead tissue, which is ok except that I wonder why you bring it up, except to compare it with what he was about to say regarding the stars. Otherwise a good read.

Dovina on Wake Up by unouluvme 27 Jul 2004, 12:33 PM

Wish I knew what your are talking about. It sounds like it might be interseting.

Venus replying on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus 27 Jul 2004, 11:40 AM

Thanks. I hear you on the shorter refrain. I'll play around with it a bit more.

Venus replying on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus 27 Jul 2004, 11:38 AM

Thanks for the advice. I'm not really a lyrical sort, but I'll play with the form and repost.

unouluvme on Wake Up by unouluvme 27 Jul 2004, 11:29 AM

doesnt make sense? i didnt think so.

Shuushin on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 11:08 AM

a good read. the sentence with the carbon dating is a bit bloody though - I think you could easily fix it up. Focusing more there on the stars' ability to inform Pomma of his mothers death might help that second part, too.

Shuushin on Brats by D. $ Fontera 27 Jul 2004, 11:00 AM

pretty catchy, really. I think the last stanza brings it down a notch though. What else might go there? a fun piece.

Shuushin on A Forever Splintered Heart by MacFrantic 27 Jul 2004, 10:52 AM

this style always strikes me as little "list-like" as I have trouble with the line-to-line transitions. One gets the sense the lines exist solely to rhyme. the fourth ("Neon...") stanza works pretty well I think, no? A tough genre to break new ground with though.

Shuushin replying on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus 27 Jul 2004, 10:39 AM

I think with one "unlike now/...different life once" set and some indentation for that section it would make it pretty clear? you might also set it up like a lyric, using that set (plus a bit more) as a chorus then a bridge to set up the last bit. That could work too, I think.

Dan garcia-Black replying on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT 27 Jul 2004, 10:32 AM

Phommasanh is the name of an athlete from Laos.

Dan garcia-Black on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus 27 Jul 2004, 10:29 AM

I think it needs a refrain. Maybe just a shorter refrain. "Once... there was freshly laundered attire" "Now... there are tank tops, etc." Let us figure out what happened. Good poem. Great ending.

Venus replying on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus 27 Jul 2004, 9:46 AM

Thanks. How do you think I could better set up the past and present?