MR Blobby
replying on Blobby blob code ** by MR Blobby
6 Jul 2004, 11:35 AM
Blobby blob blob
Actually, I am the proud owner of a mail order master's degree
in physics from The Jerry Falwell Institute of Advanced Studies
and Creationism. Praise the Lord!
Bogatar and "open top car" go very well, even if a little telegraphed.
Are you going to answer the question or just keep repeating the same few catchphrases you've been doing for the whole thread?
Dovina and Dark Angel together again. I see Paris. I see France. I see someone "pushing toward different objectives" in their underpants. Sorry. I'm so puerile.
The last stanza is a complete poem starting with:
"Somewhere in the distance... I'll rise above the clouds."
I had trouble with "about his new car he had just acquired and subsequently had stolen" Sounds like he had someone steal his car in the same manner he had acquired it.
Also: "sitting next to his dog his dead dog with a tongue hanging from his mouth just far enough to touch his filthy blanket" Sounds like the homeless man was sitting with his tongue hanging from his mouth just far enough to touch the filthy blanket.
I think I understand what you meant in both instances but I had to stop thinking about your images and worry the language. It (the poem) is a good idea that needs a little more work. Oh yeah, another "rewrite in progress." -8-
By the way, the going rate in Pasadena for a man with a dead dog on his blanket is a $5.00 donation.
with you on the second verse.
A little confused, perhaps because you change from relating a story of a friend almost to first person shouting at the whore.
The abstemiousness bragged its supremacy is intriguing, but again the justification seems bogged down in badly managed sentence structure.
A 10 is quite acceptable, considering that I did not yield to the temptation of breaking out, even in the slightest, from the constraint of paradelle, and have at least attempted to provide your burning ears with the utmost in poetic accomplishment.
When not sure if a -10- is too much, be a coward and give a 9+.
Perhaps needs to be a bit punchier. Like 'steal glances at unbecoming' and the final couplet.
Better.
When last I fought the sixest paradelle, the referee admonished me about using "only those words" by instructing me that I could use other forms of "only those words." This allows "thinning forms" or "emotionally blank" "and other aberrations. Perhaps, my English prof was an aberration. Still, a -10- for 1/6th of a complete poem... Are you going for a combined score of 60 for whole poem? I'm drawing a nervous, emotional blank on the proper score.
How are you writing about wanting to die at 11 years old? You haven't experienced enough to know anything about depression. This poem contradicts the other poem you wrote. In your other poem you talk about how you're not one of those depressed people and in this poem you seem suicidal? Whatever kid.
Personally, I believe that "ego" alone works splendidly. You guys are right about changing "faltered"
DICTIONARY make friends with it. Other then that I think the poem could have been formatted better. It was OK. I'll give you a 5.
Ok Well Im glad Im not the only one who didnt get this poem.
Your ridicule of my statement concerning the "oneness" of
quantum mechanics shows me how ignorant you are on the subject.
A hundred years ago, the universe was believed to be mehanistic,
a kind of giant machine both causal and determinate. It was
perceived an being made up of separate parts existing independent
of each other and viewed by an outside observer. We now know,
thanks to quantum mechanics, that all things in the universe
are inter-connected and inter-dependent and the former observer
is actually a participant. The ESSENCE of quantum physics is
this basic oneness which you choose to ridicule. All things and
events we perceive are connected and are manifestations of the
same, ultimate reality.
If either of you wish to discuss quantum mechanics, at least
know its basic premise and meaning. Better yet, just continue
your specious arguments based on your ignorance of the subject
and pat each other on the back in the belief you have a clue
regarding its meaning. Frankly, you deserve each other.