horus8
on Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer
12 Jun 2004, 4:16 PM
I loved how you germinated your feet, now that's just precious.
When I heard my first English nigger, I laughed, they sound just like the white ones when you close your eyes.
Indeed.
Pot rules.
The first stanza and last two lines are contrived crap, the rest awesome.
Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too).
Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.
Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.
Good though, well written.
oh boys boys..what's a villanelle, pray do tell?
i'm only a poor misguided and poorly educated country boy and i don't kow what a villanelle is
what a pair of fucking saps
do you want me to spread it on your toast as well
twotters
twotters
twotters
twotters
villanelle
Brian zodiac...did you know i've got a masters in wibbling
horus8..yeah?...i've got masters in honking
Brian zodiac...in what area did you specialize oh great one?
horus8...parallels
brian zodiac...oh neat...i specialized in twotterism
horus8...was it hard?
brian zodiac...not once you blew me...oh and by the way...solipsistic
horus8...oh well done that man, jolly good pancakes...asphalt, asphalt, asphalt
etc etc
Straight from the horse's mouth. I'm not an astute editor of my own work, which is why I'm happy to have other people make commenst and/or suggestions. Thanks for the kind words.
So I get 2 out of 3? Nice!
Yeah. Totally natural and good for the garden.
why thank you,
now if you happen to see brian zodiac and horus8 down at the poemrankers arms supping their absinthe and baileys, be sure to pass on my regards
note the emphasis walter zodiac places on "roughly"
oh you wish big boy, you wish
oh fuckin hell...the boys are back in town, been hanging out down at the poemrankers arms again and jimmy zodiac has got a cob on at the idea of someone else blowing horus8...what a prize pair of wankers these two twotters are
oh look at us gosh wibble honk squit squirt..we are both so smart and intimidating yoinks blurt blart!
Jammy zodiac...now how smart is that? about as smart as parallels
really does get me every time
To set the stage for this, I wrote this for school. We have to write a series of prologues, as there was in the book Canterbury Tales by Geoffry Chaucer. The idea is that 4 people are moving over to Amsterdam. So, as they arrive onboard their plane, the flight attendant describes each person in turn.
Maybe this for that line?
"And all the more I contemplate it, fear disgruntles death."
And possibly this to replace the "navy" like ending, which I understand could be awkward.
"For my generation's limb shall be the one torn off the tree."
And finally, yes, I have very little education as to where semicolons should be placed. So if you raise an eyebrow to any, it's got a high possibility of being misplaced.
If you re-post this an infinite number of times to be read by an infinite number of retards, do you suppose you'll eventually hit on a group that doesn't mind how your title's entirely copped from Sarah Maclachlan?
No, wait, I see now. You hadn't even thought of that song, you just happen to think that surrender is sweet. Bow'ls to you, francis. Bow'ls and bow'ls.
Did you cop the idea of false teeth sprouting flowers from 100 Years of Solitude?
I think you should change the title of this poem to "Stardate -319424.77".
And "I wrote this poem in only X minutes" is the buncombe dodge of an inveterate guffer.