zodiac
replying on The Snow Queen by Angeline
31 May 2004, 7:06 PM
The best is a novel called "Larry's Party". I'd start there.
good catch, zod. iac. Can't really abreviate that... I guess.
Thanks for the vote and comment. Your suggestion is good. This poem is one in a series I'm doing about fairy tales--maybe it follows the story line too closely. And I haven't heard of Carol Shields, but I'll read her. :)
"See no more than him" means they only see him. I think you mean "See no more than he," which has an invisible "does" after. Maybe you didn't. But after starting with him being blind, that kind of follows.
On the whole this one is quite a bit weaker than your others (which I wanted to say are totally ace.) The parenthesis bit is really good, though. Have you read the late, excellent Canadian novelist Carol Shields? You should. She used that parentheses image several times.
Like it!
very funny not!
Good limerick
this is good man. s'like something nick cave would pass off as writing in "and the ass saw the angel"...nick cave meets flannery o connor under the shadow of the peyote. good stuff
Or this one:
The prosecutor dribbles, dribbles
Crumbs from his pendulous jowls,
Of the delicacies he nibbles (nibbles!)
On break from his courtroom quibbles (quibbles!)
And looks o'er the Park and scowls,
(Shudders and growls,
"Bother and bow'ls!")
At the gay, uncivilised play
Of St James's waterfowls.
And shakes his pendulous head and dribbles
Crumbs from his quivering jowls.
Hi.
I wasn't ranting and I do not think I am better than you. I write better poetry, but that's all, well maybe I make a better enchilada, but that's not saying much. Yes we are all self-centered, I agree with you on that. It comes from our millenniums old survival instincts, it's a hard habit to kick. Here, at poemranker, we rate poetry, not egos. All I'm trying to get across to you is that poetry is an art. You seem to have somehow decided, like so many others on this site, artistry is not important in creating poems. When it is, infact, the artistry that defines something as poetry. Whether it's a pudding, a dancer on the stage, or the way your lover touches you.
Let's say someone over time has collected the most beautiful, costly materials known to man. Fine woods, alabaster, marble, etc., and they decide to use these materials to build a house, but they no nothing about how house's are built, and for some reason they refuse to watch others, who know a little something about it, building theirs. What do you think will happen?
The subject of a poem is really unimportant, what matters is the design of the poem. There are poems here, good strong poems, about all manner of subjects. What sets the good ones apart is that they are created with skill. It's not thst we don't understand your poem, it's just that you need to sit down with it and manipulate it by introducing some poetic devices into it. If you're interesting in writing poetry, ask some questions, look around a bit,take a class, it's not so difficult. It's the difference between walking and dancing. It just takes some guidance and lots & lots of practice. Good luck.
Thank you Shin Shuu for the comment and the suggestion on "very hot." I'll think about it and keep the idea, but get rid of "very," which is a blah word. I'm usually pretty good with editing my poems, but that one slipped by me. Good call.
A fairly rarely used form in these parts (maybe I posted one - I'll check after I write this); its a tough one.
It very easily passes the "dress wearing the girl/the girl wearing the dress" test and the rhymes are smoove.
did you miss the punctuation after bone on purpose? You might have.
I wonder if wordsmithing "very hot" would buy you anything (other than trading freshness for pretentiousness), you've been up and down that I suppose.
Many of the references are lost on me, yet some quick checking tells me that they are made of iron - I like the flow of it, and the sounds.
zodiac, i only just noticed you said this...
"I'm not, you boob. I'm returning here to redeem myself in the eyes of comments-recent for my earlier over-earnest stupidity on this page (ie, starting this so-called conversation in the first place."
lol so now you are getting it and admitting to whats happened here...and you have learnt something... dont be too quick to bite, let someone else bite just for the sake of ego pleasing first see what it is that is being bitten at...and now for you to learn is that nobody wins stuff like this...so good, keep laughing at the irony, but just let go of this, lol tell everyone that you won by all means... but stop biting at this because your just leading yourself further into a load of pointless crap...and it is often the way in a lot of arguments and discussions...once you made your point, no matter if anyone understands it or not there's little else you can do to change the opinions of others...and thats what i have learnt hear and i thank you for that.
so, i got no hard feelings about any of this, it's been fun, and we learned something, how are you feeling about this discussion now?
the poem may look like crap but it was the beginning of this.
you have nothing to redeem because you have learnt something, same as i have... think this is ready to end now.
but know this... if you bite at me after this message... it will continue, because that would show me that you haven't learned what i think you have.
gods wife, you seeing any more to this now than when you entered?
Lol zodiac, what you seem unable to see here is that what I say, and what my intentions are are connected, but two very different things. See how much interest i have generated with nothing here? Just by challenging your ego? And you canât stay away now can you? So who's been manipulated? Forget the words I use here they are nothing but bluffs and double bluffs, and you have bitten on every piece of bait I have put down for you.
Now why is it that you hide behind your sub-standard superficial humour?
Your life may seem happy, but it looks quite easy for that to fall apart, because of your lack ability to accept that you aint got things any more sorted than anyone else has... from the sickest inmate sleeping in a padded cell, to the elite of intellectuals...nobody is better than anyone...nobody knows any more or less than anyone else does.
when i tell you something about yourself, i do not expect it to be true, nor do i care, i am just leading back here.
to reveal a little bit of what i am doing is.... i am experimenting, and guess who the lab rat is.
I'm not, you boob. I'm returning here to redeem myself in the eyes of comments-recent for my earlier over-earnest stupidity on this page (ie, starting this so-called conversation in the first place.)
You colossal boob! (black fog: "Look! I'm pressing your buttons again!" zodiac: "Shut the fuck up.")
For one thing, my life is so intensely happy it actually makes me wonder ALL THE TIME what's up with all these people talking about 'the path to happiness' and such bullshit. How can they be so incredibly wrongheaded as to not already have a life that's as happy as the one I have without even trying? So, no, I HAVE NO QUESTIONS. YOU HAVE NOTHING YOU CAN TEACH ME. If I changed anything about my life, it could only make it less happy than it currently is, you see? Even now, when you think I'm agonizing over your pinpoint-accurate reading of me, I am quietly, beatifically happy. Naturally, lacking anything which even roughly approximates an awareness of irony and humor, you are not going to believe me. Go take a flying leap into a wall. I am most certainly not really my poemranker self.
And for another thing, "you can go away now zodiac, we have no further interest in you" and "So go on....tell them that you won...when you could have taken something for your mind from here, so in fact you have lost" are my jokes from May 29, only made much, much more dumb.
(black fog: "That's because I'm a master of manipulation." zodiac: "If you were an utter retarded instead of such a 'master of manipulation,' would it make your retarded poemranker rambles in any wise different?" Everyone: "No.")
If the Joe-joe model of 'discourse' (ie, repeating others' lines a few days later, adopting some fake fatherly condescension, changing the subject frequently, assuming without justification or proof that you've "won" already) is the best you have - well, you will, of course, still die of natural causes at a ripe old age with your wife and beautiful children at your side after having been as happy as anyone else (except me) most of that time, but you will also have been a blissfully ignorant retarded for nearly a century and let me tell you something: When on that great gettin'-up morning the Lord Jesus separates the Retardeds from the Non-Retardeds and invites the Non-Retardeds to come to him an nuzzle in his clean clove-smelling beard, WE WILL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!11!!1!1!!!1!!!!!!
so zodiac, why the need to keep returning here to prove whatever your point is?