edpeterson
on EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
13 May 2004, 6:05 AM
I think it becomes a little redundant, oblong as it were toward the end. I like the first stanza. But from there is seems to drag a little. the ending is powerful but it feels a trifle long.
i would take an e or 2 out of the final line, and perhaps add a bit more repetition to the middle.
1) If my secretary had knockers I would not be on this website at all. I would be finding excuses to rub up against her by the photocopier. As my secretary is twice my age and has smaller boobs than me I therefore conclude that to spy would require a "microscope" rather than a "telescope". As I did not get a diploma in origami from Ken Hom's School of Paper Art, I can't make a microscope from the weighty tome that is the instruction manual on how to behave on this site. So to conclude my first assertation: you are a snot gobbling quendo of failure.
2) Postscripts should be designated as such with the inclusion of a P.S. You did not do this and you therefore fail again.
3) In point of fact you are actually exceedingly gay and therefore a gaymeter is not necessary to asess your gayness. I fail but win 2v1.
Replying to one's own comments is acceptable for postscripts, fucktard. Perhaps you'd have done better to actually read your Poemranker Instruction Manual, instead of just rolling it up into a "telescope" to "spy" on your secretary's "knockers".
Correct.
The title of this poem implies one of two things - firstly a pie full of fingers - that would be grotesque, or secondly some form of instruction where you would have to literally finger a pie.
The poem however appears to be about putting a child to bed. This poem is confused and poorly written and you may not have noticed but their is a large irrelevant line in the middle.
This all leads me to believe that you are a stultified quim.
Are you some kind of automaton churning out small satchels of snot garnished guff?
Congratulations on posting the worst title on this site since SupremeDreamer's "Ravings of a Dreamer"!
Why does the poem have a line through it?
Hilarious, truly; this had me wiping snot of my laptop.
REPLYING TO OWN COMMENTS
GAYNESS LEVEL 10 - ABORT! ABORT!
Give it a saucer of bread and milk on cold winter evenings.
How do you "satisfy a fact"?
Nope^infinity.
And why did you put this on your own favorites list?
For dozens of reasons, I don't think the inverse square law is really the one you want to use here.
Witty, insightful. Perhaps one of the most important poemes written in the last 20 years.
-6-
Stark and haunting words. The image of sailing "upon gold" is truly, sublimely inspired... this will perhaps remain with me for the rest of my life. Wonderful.
-6-
His name is 'INTRANSIT'. Perhaps you don't realise the time and expense we have all gone to to get our names legally changed. You might as well get them right.
hehe... 10.. 'nuff said
Ouch
I felt that all the way over here.
Actually I'm just underslept, but I don't think I'm grouchy.
zodiac, I'm insanely curious about something: You praise my translation of Ne me Quitte Pas but subsequently and inexplicably refer to me as inexperienced. Why?