Reading Lawrence without the D.H. and drinking Chivas how ghastly laughable and remarkably “oh my darling I have this English degree so I just might as well spout what I know here and now.” Anyway, where was I now? “Ribbony (I am a writer therefore I can make up words just like my long dead hero cummings – huh – he had cum in his mane dude) roads?” Exactly (now you are in Nevada home of the E.T. Highway so maybe you were abducted and taken to a land where roads are of a substance much lighter than concrete and asphalt) what is the literary objective here. Hmmm. Let’s see. Ribbony. Circular. You are in Nevada. There are no cloverleaf highways except in Las Vegas. Oh. I love it. Lawrence without the D.H., Chivas and Las Vegas. How so post modern and decadent like all at the same time. Or ribbony – meaning narrow, as in strip as in reference to endless. It is Nevada, drive where you like. Breathe the beautiful air. Love again. At least triolet is close to toil or toilet, which oddly enough is where I must go now.

I wrote this for my Mother who I'm not on good terms with do you think it was too mean to give as a Mother's Day gift?

liked it

This should be reworked so "forwards" works as a plural noun.

I find myself inclined to critique this seriously, who knows why, so here goes: 1) Drop the comma after "sway" in the first stanza. 2) Change "swiftly moving" to something else. 3) Say what color, pattern, etc. the bedcloth is, rather than simply saying it's tacky. 4) "as" in line 2 of stanza 2 should be "like" or nothing. 5) "nightstand new" is awkward; why didn't you say it in a way that made sense? 6) "it's" should be "its", and that whole clause is worded completely awfully. 7) "upward" is bad; stare at a water-stain in the shape of a beautiful woman, a light-fixture, or almost anything else. 8) The ellipses in the penultimate line are terrible. When people do that, it makes me feel like the last line is supposed to be a punchline, which is a ridiculous thing to put in a poem and a ridiculous way to set it up. I find that a comma, appositive or some interjection works a lot better to pause the poem a bit before the end; something like: but the truth, I think now, is that it just etc etc. That's awful, I know, but you get the idea. 9) I wish you'd kept up the soft rhyme from the first stanza; it was nice.

Homesick traveler, I'm a little unclear, do you dream of returning to this motel room? I could take it either way. Don't answer, wnless you don't want me to see it both ways.