some deleted user
on Ghosts by unknown^user
9 May 2004, 12:06 PM
Ditto the commas. I like not knowing who or what the ghosts are, guessing.
I'm fighting sleep just reading this. Lullaby. Nice.
Love the piece. Hate the commas.
I really love the unconventional way you've used commas in this piece!!!!
horus8
replying on Barometric pressure & true love (The prince of storms) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
9 May 2004, 10:15 AM
Dude, stop it, you're scaring me.
The only pictures I see on sills are through the window pane. To see this one, I am standing out on the fire escape looking in on your poem. Is this the perspective from which you were writing this poem? I like the thought of that. Please don't tell me "no." There's an intimacy attached to the thought of looking into other's windows. I just hope I don't get caught. Good.
Until the lines, "Having your children...
Watching you play with them...", I thought the poem was about being dropped off at the first day of school (September). I had to re-read to get the sense. As I was once told by an ex-marine after I read a similar poem i had written, "Dan, I felt just like that once... a couple of times." Of course it is not possible to feel this a couple of times. The first time kills your ability to feel that exact thing forever. I think he meant to say that he has felt that way about different things. The future holds lots of different things for us. Let us hope some of them are good things... at least, a couple of times.
For future reference, you can just say 'gin and tonic'. Adding the water to the end just makes you sound like a pretentious asshole.
I'm curious as to why someone would log in under 3 different user names just to give this three fives. Can you really hate something that badly as to want to waste that much time? or maybe you are three different people who live together. Either way, it's cool...I was just wondering.
These rhymes are forced. Either make the rhymes subtle, or don't use them.
Hey, poetandknowit! Welcome back! I just thought you might like to see this:
"2 entries found for ribbony
...
2.
a. Something, such as a tape measure, that resembles a ribbon.
b. A long thin strip: a ribbon of land along the shore..."
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q
Why did babbit11 only give you an -8-. If I was babbit11 I would give Po etandknowit a -10- every time.
Are you Dave?
Yes, barkeep I would like a gin and tonic water!!!!
Is this about Dave?
The true question here is: Are you really Dave's lady? And if so why would you represent yourself in an oddly public setting such as poemranker as the property of a man? Are you so hung up and emotionally connected to this Dave that you have lost any sense of individual self and simply become 1) your gender (in this case lady) and 2) an extension of someone else (in this case Dave)?
poetandknowit
on Barometric pressure & true love (The prince of storms) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
8 May 2004, 11:54 PM
Jeremi B. Handrinos I knew you would make it to the top. I am with GW. My soul has truly been kissed by this masterpiece. Farawell my beloved, stay ribbony.