Congrats.

Time is an illusion /echo An unusual thing from you, this. Feels pimply, I want to pick it to shreds.

Would you like me to be less generous and more critical more often?

Greets (been hard to get on-line this weekend)! This has a jaunty little beat, doesn't it. I'd be inclined to change a couple minor things here and there, but overall it's got a solid feel. Exlamations points might be overdone, and I'd just make that last line go right after the "she", and lastly the capital "And" is pretty jarring.

If this helps you to cope, good. I fail to see any other use for it. I suppose the same could be said for most of mine.

I don't see the bar scene as others do. I tend to be blind to what others see. I didn't see the moon "when the light went away." I was too busy fighting, protecting my self Putting off loving til "the end of a storm." Crap, I say, to the poemranker storm. Wish we all could just talk about poems. Like this one, which I like quite a lot.

Groovy. 'Rita, please. no salt.

I hate to be picky but the lack of reason bugs me. Failed marriage? Death? Who would be around to watch? Sorry.

You weild a comma like a Mexican.

My advice, get out of Idaho before you're completely retarded.

Good song indeed. Unfortunately a song is not necessarily a poem, though it can be. This straddles the border between song and poem.

You know this shit you have posted has a stench more vile than any that comes out of my own or anybody else's rectum.

Good song.

And use some rhymes that are more varied