wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
on Brush me away by nothingtoanyone
27 Apr 2004, 1:07 AM
This makes no sense whatsoever.
1. You appear to have omitted a word in line 1 between the words "my" and "has".
2. When you say, "broken into an unfixable size," do you actually mean, "broken into an unfixably small piece"?
3. You appear to have omitted a word in line 3 between the words "my" and "away".
4. When you say "rift raft," do you mean "riff raff"? If so, please consult a dictionary to discover the meaning of the phrase "riff raff" before reconsidering your use of the phrase.
5. When you say "dang," do you mean "dank"?
6. This poem fails.
7. You fail.
8. Q. E. D.
9. Thanks!
10. -10-
It could be Detective Ironshoe's Vast Organization of Roving Crack Enforcers.
Ace.
Art Noir. Reminded of those private eye stories.
strong.
You are toying with my brain, admittedly a plaything sometimes.
Uranus.
Nice. But what is A mosaic of tiny infinite heavens?
you are = you're
I think you have too many "that" s. I'd dump them from:
insults that they
story that I'm
reality that I wish
comfort that I lost
and the "which" from: ending which I wish
options that no longer seem to exist ->options no longer existing
the hatred, which is all -> the hatred and
Good stuff though. I feel it.
I thought this was going to be the pilot of a TV series about a crack team of secret agents who burst into meth labs in the middle of the night and adminster instant divorces to all the evildoers inside. I was wildly excited for a brief, sodden moment.
Tool rocks.