I can appreciate the wordplay with the el sounds and the low sounds. Good consistent imagery; nice.

Yep, thats a keeper.

Personally, I dislike cancer being used as a metaphor, especially for something like time because to me, the two things are entirely different. But this is hardly a constructive criticism. The final line isn't poetic but the sentiment could go very far and the couplet structure is probably the best form for it. Excellent start but as yet I consider it a bit of a rough gem.

A timelessly, hand crafted guff-lung hewn from tramp-gusset scrappings.

A frightfully apt guff disseminator.

Been there!! I think this could be a great poem if you revise it a bit...make the ideas crisper and the images jump out more...but you nailed the emotion felt it coming out of the page...9

I had to read this poem a few times to get a good feel for it...but I like it despite it being a bit convoluted in certain parts.

I love the flow of this poem my favorite lines...autumn always made me feel alone, and so this is fall in a yuppie town...I can see where it can get a bit weighed down by being to wordy however, the entire poem has a solid tone and mood to it. I very much enjoyed it!!

haha...cute

line break between that/they're is ungood.

Welcome back. Without you here I had to be the gay one. I was awful at it.

I don't see how keeping it all inside causes all these happenings.

This is a good poem, just a bit too wordy. For example: every raindrop echoes wet, soaks you through and through, damp air, polluted view