Luzr
replying on Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom
1 Apr 2004, 9:28 AM
Actually I recently quit smoking. Cigarette Burns was more for the affect here than anything else.
Thanks. I edited in haste and so mispelled "reverberating" :-(. The situation is like this. It is thundering sporadically outside and it kind of reminds me of an approaching plane. Maybe I should remove that whole line...
LOL, too true.
Hey thanks. This jet is causing lot of trouble. Actually, it is still thundering sporadically outside. It kind of reminds me of an approching plane. I suppose I included that line to make the whole thing vivid.. Would it be better if I just removed the line?
A. Fictional, for the most part. B. Thats the point. Meaningless Day to Day. Notice some items in the first 2 lines to make that better? Apparently not. There is more here than you see. The question being whose the baby? The meaning isn't in the actions. Its in the tone and title. Look beyond the surface.
Oh yes how beautiful. I often think it's very sad that we indiscriminately tred on dead leaves, crushing all their hopes and dreams. You know it doesn't really matter who does the mourning - everyone has their own interpretation, and opinions are what really matters. Besides, it's profoundly silly either way. Mourning what? Stepping on dead leaves? What in Sodomy were you thinking!? Thanks, -10-
what is true?
This jet is causing too many problems.. Actually its is still sporadically thundering outside here. It does remind of a plane approaching... maybe the poem would be better off sans the jet line I suppose...
There is no jet in this poem, only something compared to a jet. Probably thunder. What's weird is people usually say it the other way around - a jet sounds like distant thunder - not, that thunder sounds exactly like a jet. More importantly, why a jet, anyway? Were you just trying to think of something that thunder sounds like? You should consider whether it adds any meaning to the poem to have a jet brought in - rather than, say, a guy swinging a big piece of sheet metal, or a giant faraway shovel turning enormous amounts of earth. I think the approaching jet could mean something, but you don't give us any idea what. And you might want to check your spelling on reverberating. There, I just made it easy for you.
You seem so aware of how meaningless your routine is, so WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING STOP DOING IT, YOU BABY?!
Good question. LOL It is the thunder actually, but when I reread the poem, I see your point.. it could be the jet too. I am thinking of how to make it more clear....
Whose doing the mourning? No vote for now
not bad. a tad longer than it needs to be AND, I like to come to my own conclusions in a poem - without the author telegraphing what I should be perceiving.
Like telling me its a "picturesque scene" then proceeding to describe it to me. One or the other, preferrably the other.
Same thing with nature at its finest hour,
imparting a lesson in life - know what I mean, vern?
Okay, What you wondering
'have' should be 'has'. Other than that its true. -8-
I have so many questions about this one. Please write back if you're still here.
Damn. Now that's Verse!
yes, the bridge line is the best, opera of obscenities is kind of disturbing.
You could always try writing a poeme that did not involve smoking a cigarette.
Could do with being shortened, would help to manage the rhythm.