I like it. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme at all!! I can tell this came from the heart!! a heart that was broken! I gave it a 5 because i wasn't sure if you were killing yourself and i hope you weren't trying to!!!

This one is even greater. I'm sorry you lost your mother. This poem shows how much you love her still. You've done a great job of showing how much she has meant to you!!

this is a beautiful peom!! It brought a tear to my eye. Wonderful JOB!!!!!!!

HOW WONDERFUL!!! Thats amazing. You have great talent my friend. Great Great work!!!!

Interesting but very simple and no illustrations or emphisis on anything particular..

I wrote this peom when me and my ex-girl-friend broke up. She went one way to college and i went the other way. Enjoy!!! ~Nathan

Apparently.

I'm going to start counting, and if I get to 10 you're out of the pool for the rest of the day: (1) Terror's is possessive, with an apostrophe. (2) You are not a refugee; I don't believe you for an instant. (3) in fact, the so-called 'information' in your so-called poem is either forty years out-of-date or dangerously disgustingly and dangerously wrong. Oh, the poor 'victims' of a terrible 'regime' have been driven to our 'friend' Pakistan! Huzzah for friendly Pakistan! Pigheaded bullshit. What did those poor refugees do? Cart their simple possessions across the highest most desolate part of the planet? Bullshit and bullshit. (4) This poem has no rhyme - yes it does - no, wait, it doesn't again. (5) 'Me' and 'feet' do not rhyme. (6) The end of a line is not the same thing as punctuation. (7) I'm still enraged by the ignorant bullshit propaganda-swallowing of this crap poem. Or maybe you were referring to the Muslim emigration from India in 1947-8. Way to keep up on current events, ace! (8) 'Some nights - I still do face defeat' is just laughable - as is, 'No education, or higher learning.' (9) 'Pray religon [sic]; it finds me' is the second worst use of a semicolon on this site this week. Not to mention that this so-called sentence makes absolutely no sense. And religion is misspelled - which is to be understood, I suppose, since you are a recent immigrant to Pakistan. (10) "A foreign sand... under my feet."

[X] AABB rhyming scheme [_] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [X] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [X] Clerical errors [X] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [X] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sentimental [X] Self-pity [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment Mediocrity score: 11

HARNESSE ALERT

How on earth did 'Meta-Ku' ever become a category? Nentwined, do you realise what you've done?! Congratulations on programming as a poem-form.

with reference to the ouverture debate, I suggest changing metamorphose to metaphormose which is far more interesting, and a none word to boot!

five, seven then five - do you need an abacus? I counted this thrice.

I'm fine up to "I wretched", and you throwing a pineapple slice - that's just sad, IT. The reader ends up feeling more pity for the author. I'm fine with the prosthetic wielding lady, that is at least an interesting vignette.

very nice: "My touch is toxic and abundant", and I like much of the other descriptions, too. The lack of enjambment... I don't think it does much for you in this case. And I agree with half of what Zodiac says, and I'm fine with "ouverture"

fi-ee-ee-e-ve fi-ee-ee-e-ve add two fi-ee-ee-e-ve