some deleted user
on In My Minds Eye by daveslady
4 Mar 2004, 10:40 PM
Very touching... emotional, really enjoyable
WOW! Powerful!
no words to describe how I feel. Thanks for sharing
its a wonder how you could so correctly write out the first thoughts of a woman when she finds out that she is with child. great
made me sob. great way to capture the pain of a beautiful memory.
damn!
nice kid
This has to be a joke.
Great, as ever - though a little obviously a haiku (to me; maybe no one else will notice.) How important is it for you to stick to haiku form? Also, you're missing a semicolon (!) or period after lowlands.
This poem is good except for the overuse of 'as' sentence structures (because any use is overuse, since they are the most common sentence structures in web-published stuff,) and the phrase "transmissions of the news", which sounds really odd to my American ears. Also, have you thought of putting it in the past tense? I'm not bothered by the present, but I've been flipping through Poet's Market recently and seeing a lot of publishers' comments like 'Consider not submitting poems in the present tense' and so forth. Again, that's not such a serious criticism on my part, just a suggestion.
You chose eddie for a subconcious reason. I saw a baby in the womb when I read this. (An) eddie being a swirling pool of water makes for an ideal name in this piece. Very good.
When the other boys didn't let you play with them, did mummy say you were special?
To paraphrase rockmage:-
'you are only confused when you perceive yourself to be confused, which is not often.'
Do you have a better confusion of your understanding now?
liked it, made me smile
helps spark my appitite, but still leaves me hungry! like chinese food: fills you up for 15 minuets then bam your starving
???????? help i need sombody help ???? hummm maybe next time use the revise button, just a suggestion
leaves you hang(no real end)
you are confused
Very touching 10