cleverdevice
replying on Of an Age Before by cleverdevice
2 Feb 2004, 7:02 AM
Yeah, true
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
2 Feb 2004, 6:53 AM
Rockmage actually voted a -6- on this piece, immediately after he read the Terrible Ode To Rockmage. Then - following Shuushin's comment - he promptly changed his vote to a -10-. I deleted the original rockmage poeme because I felt it didn't do justice to the overwhelming feelings of hatred I have for him.
I meant the response to the poem smacks of legitimacy. Even Rockmage gave it a ten immediately after being trounced by a -=Dark_Angel=- in a great poem that was unfortunately quickly deleted (but seen by him, no doubt.) And he's been intentionally giving lower scores lately. I don't agree that there are fewer angry teenagers online, but it seems they're afraid to touch you (either of you). You should have at least been able to count on PariahDog and NanceXToo for some good credibility-establishing 4s. -
- I missed 'AIDS Bonanza!' when I was reading your old posts, but I liked the other two. I dare say, no one writes AIDS like that. As far as the disputed 'Tales' goes, I'm willing to concede your points. The poem does indeed exude an aroma of the overarching and folkloric that hints of many tales untold or to come.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
2 Feb 2004, 6:33 AM
What about this poeme makes you think of legitimacy? The subject matter is the same as always: the moving of bow'ls. The style is the same as always: absurdly melodramatic and ineptly archaic. The comments are the same as always: a mixture of derision, indifference and utterly inappropriate ecstasy. Frankly, Sir, I am appalled that you would even entertain the idea that this piece marks a change in the poetic career of -=Dark_Angel==-.
To address your further comments: 1. The 'AIDS' trilogy was completed many years ago, in the form of 'AIDS Bonanza!'
2. While it might be true that my poemes are no longer anonymously zeroed to the extent they once were, this is a direct result of the decreased number of angry teenagers on Poemeranker recently. crystal lane swift is too busy voting on her own poemes to zero mine.
3. The Tales referred to are the telling brown songs of adventure and sorrow that ev'ry man must daily sing.
Congratulations - judging from the response here, I'd say you're turning legitimate. Legitimacy's a terrible burden, I've heard. It did awful things to Tennyson.
If you don't mind my saying, you might do something to celebrate your new laureate position on the ranker - like ordering that all further posts here be husk-oriented or finishing the AIDS trilogy on a spectacularly offensive note. An aspiring naughty poete can't afford to lose his street-credibility.
Or, if you wish, I'm willing to multiple-zero you or leave hideous garbled comments about feelings on your poems. I don't know - I haven't been here long, but it already seems like the passing of an age when no one will zero you, even out of spite. Where's CLS?
That said, this is hardly your best post. Father Blunderbum is introduced way too late - I have no sense of who he IS. What makes him RUN? And it's really only one TALE from the outhouse, right?
beautiful
cast a spell on you
I agree. Who are you?
The best poem ever, proving what I've said almost all along DA is the bestestesses.
Brilliant.
Anyone voting less than an *almighty* TEN - is an ass - and I mean that, else God take my eyes.
I can't find a context to encompass the details.
I don't understand what the red books are about, or how they relate to the rest of the pome.
Last line is stunning. "snapping like thorns off of cotton" is incredibly apt. monitor is spelled wrong. The two lines about the nurse -- you get much done with few words.
more more more more more more. I want more. Quit school and write 12 hours a day. Or something.
Watch out. It's a mixed blessing. Recently, though, I picked up Seamus Heaney's Complete Poems (many of which are online) and was really impressed by his partial rhyme and partial rhythm. He's a good place to start, especially some of the ones here: //www.ibiblio.org/ipa/heaney/index.html
When will you post again? Your poems have synaesthesized in my mind into a cool dark taste, which I thirst for.
brilliant, fucking brilliant. 10.
Woah there. Well, I'm with darkangel on the general annoyingness of arbitrary linebreaks, but I firmly believe that for a poem to be regarded as such (ie, as a poem,) it has got to a) look like one, and b) not scare people with what looks like a lot of unpunctuated long lines. So at the very least I would insert extra breaks after 'image', 'Hall', and so on. Make it look like stanzas, like something manageable. For another thing, the ends of lines are not anywhere regarded as periods or commas; you should insert these where needed. And third (ie, most daring,) you might consider some arbitrary linebreaks. You see, I'm sure, how most of the lines end cleanly at the ends of thoughts or clauses? That doesn't have to be. I don't know how lines should be broken up (I only do it by rhyme,) but I've heard it has something to do with making the fragments of phrases meaningful (sometimes) as smaller phrases. That's half. The other half, I would imagine, is just making it look striking and poetic. Again, I have no idea how. In fact, you can ignore this whole last part if you choose. But definitely make stanzas. People like stanzas.
I will order myself a copy from amazon along with "Poetry for Complete Idiots" I've decided I need to do some exercises.