god'swife
on The Hermit by sykes
28 Jan 2004, 10:48 PM
You really need to catch up on your reading. This is old hat.
I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death.
Where, O Death, are your plagues? Where O grave is your destruction?
Hosea 13:14
your intentions are the highest, but your poetry unfortunately is lacking. More righteousness, less prettiness. Go for the jugular. That's what Jesus did.
The rhymes and the meters does'nt quite go smoothly.
This is great, i can see the symbolism and the social relevance of the poem if we would dig deeper from it's content. It's true we're deaf, blind and dumb somehow living in this universe.
then in that case I was ahead of myself....it was written when I was 14 in Chem class.....board meetings were 10 years away.....
love it your really good....i wish i was this good.... anyway, i gave you a big fat 9.
i really love this poem...very good
nice stuff, keep it up
I preferred the original note.
The last line is as useless as tits on a nun. Otherwise I liked it. 7
Agree??
This is great....i dont use punctuation...capitols, proper use of speech... or grammar either and everyone seems to hate me for it....and to me your stuff is great and i understand it...so keep doing it the way YOU like it theres no problem with it and everyone that has a problem with mis use of words and punctuatin should just kiss our no exclamation asses
Goad
I concur. Well put, Goed.
I tend to struggle with titles. But then again, It's hard when you're a dork. Any suggestions?
Oh, I'm not educated at all, I'm a drop out. Any knowledge I have is gleaned third-hand by osmosis, by dint of reading a few thousand trashy novels, mostly before I was 18. I'm just living out that ages-old cliche of covering for a lack of talent by affecting an air of erudition, knowing all the while that it is futile and everyone sees right through me.
Yes, we are all aware of the fact that I'm a babboon lacking an red irritated ass with out one of you upper classmen making me a push a penny around the grammeric toilet of seriousness, fuck the educated, you guys always pants me.
There we go, that's what I was looking for! You're so much less boring when you're foaming at the mouth. When I first came back, I thought you'd lost your insecurities or, like, matured or something. But after I hung out for a while, I realized it was just that with PoetAndKnowIt not around, there wasn't anyone to pretend to take you seriously and get you going.
Nah. Maybe the note just bugs you because it's so big. In the manuscript it's in really small font. Besides a note can be a part of the poem - or, like the notes Eliot included in 'The Waste Land, longer than the poem itself.
It would much too much of a puzzle without the headnote -- but perhaps you could have a flashback bit between the first and second stanza where you show her doing the ritual?
I don't ordinarily care much for that gimmick myself, but the poem relying on a headnote is also not the best. No need to say it was a ritual, just show her touching metal parts of your car and saying "Great sex" and then perhaps telling you the next day whether it worked.