My post is finally beating My Life as a Single Teenage Girl!

How does he feel? it's no clear sothe questionat the end is confusing. I like it, the question, but i can't contemplate it, because it's unclear how 'he' feels. I like this poem over-all. I think you should anthropomorphise the seaweed and say ' the absent-minded seaweed clings...' you do it with the tugboats, and it's always charming in a poem. I think poetry owes so much to mythology and the ability to bestow inanimate objects or creatures with human attributes. It makes the world more our own.

yes i read this and gave it a ten. I don't think of this as choppy at all. It's not so much an actual rythm I speak of , but more the why the words go together. Which in this poem is flawless. take the last stanza: You have summer and fall which naturally flow together and all at the beginning of the line which ties into fall(all/fall). They wandered in the circling hills(wander/circling). the strange freedom of the forsaken. You see the words go well together- wandering circling strange freedom- freddom forsaken strange. it's hard to point out, but the words flow into each other and as the eye moves along the words echo back to the previous words. At the end you say 'I love her' twice, then in the last line you you say he cannot even remember 'her name'. It makes a difference, like a prayer or an incantation, it's not just the meaning of the words that matter but the sound of the voice in speaking them, the lull or crash of the vowels and the consonants. Like certain chords evoke certain feelings. It's so hard to express. It can't be forced. It only works when inspiration takes hold. There are tools, meter, rhyme, assonance, etc., but in the end it's inspiration that allows the artist to create. There's a word that's on the tip of my tongue, you know when actors get on stage and make it up aas they go along. Starts witht the letter 'I', I can't remember. Sometimes my poemes come, and then I have to go back and replace words or phrases with the appropriate ones. For example once I wrote 'He grew annoyingly afraid' but it was really suppose to be 'unknowingly afraid'. I think MEXICO has some great emotion in it, but it's not spellbinding like this one.

this is better than the coffee poem you at least make the repetition work for you here

i just don't like the double-use of "urn" give us something different there please otherwise, very fun read

"traces their path" - whose? The turtles', I guess, but I got confused for a minute. I thought it was the shoes' path. I'd make that clearer. And the last part about the tugs is either badly worded or unnecesary. Especially wondering how the turtles feel. I like the idea, and can't decide if it's better left to the imagination (whether or not it's homecoming). No vote until I have more time to think.

Without the benefit of music this comes off terribly simplistic. Rework the last two stanzas. 'Everything I'm dreaming of' is too much something that's pulled out when one is at a loss for anything better. 'Amazement + glee' glee? There are better words to use that rhyme with 'me'. Unfortunately many of your stanzas have been seen and heard before. With the exceptions of S2 + S3 + S4 which I like quite a bit. I think it's important for people to express this kind of acknowledgement. Love is the most total act of a soul, reflects the nature of the soul. So this person of yours, this Beloved, deserves praise and for me, this kind of literature provides a lesson in loving. Best of luck. Do try to spread your wings a bit.

This is really really good. Maybe the best post of the day. I just have one small question: the priest gives contrition, right? Or do you mean for it to be reversed?

"She melts in the flow" - this is odd, but ultimately passable. The part from "bind her" to "cannot see" is the poem's best, but needs different punctuation. I deleted your two (by editing, not maliciously) from my last post. You can go redo it if you want. I'd be really happy if you made a comment while you were at it.