-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on Lonely Tears by broken_wing11
24 Jan 2004, 8:15 AM
Don't listen to rockmage -- I think this is a really great poem! We all get lonely sometimes, don't we? 10!
Thank God, Grandma kept Grandpa well-trained
And all of his bad habits constrained
But it took her some time
To get him in line
And he'd long since all carpets bestained.
A ha ha, no my lad. I know full well you received a brimming pouch, and, which is more, I know what it was brimming with... 'tis hardly the delightful bounty you'd have us all think now, is it? In fact 'tis rumoured - in Gentlemanly circles, I might add - that the fruits of your beloved pouch are no longer as ripe as they once were. Some would say 'tish!', or 'fipsy!', to such a claim. But others wouldn't.
What would you say, old man?
My Grandfather loved me the best,
He said, holding me close to his chest
I stayed deathly still
'till his snores sounded shrill
and I could unstick my face from his vest.
Ace!
It would take at most fifteen minutes to revise this to have reasonable rhythm instead of totally fucked rhythm and to fix the broken rhyme in the last stanza. How lazy can you be?
When Granddaddy gave us a lickin'
He kept time with the hall clock's slow tickin'
It wasn't the pain
That made us insane
But so long to his stump to be stickin'
Princess, I recommend this pome: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Entertaining the possibility that these are sincere questions I will respond to them at face value: it's an old relationship, comfortable perhaps, but no longer based on romance, and this is a rare romantic moment. The narrator is rather reluctant to participate in the romantic moon cliche, tries to deny it by slandering the moon with anti-romantic descriptions, but succumbs to it in the end anyway.
foot/feet -- possibly your right but I don't think it matters and feet sounds better.
I think "thoughts" is an excellent title for a poeme! We all have thoughts, don't we? -10-
A ha ha. You think you were the only -=Dark_Angel=- to receive a brimming pouch.
yeah? well that's highly unlikely since I had your hands over here last night stuffing my raffiolis, you fucking hack.
Do you even know, or is it a profound mystery? I think it's because you are just genetically a turdling with a bit of mouthable verbosity but not enough to matter.
Why are you so fucking stupid?
What a marster pease.I woke up last night and found
that i had been making love to my right hand ??
Woah, I don't know? Don't be an idiot asshole, I already know you're a fucking retard must you constantly reassure me of that fact? What fucking planet are you on???? Fucking idiot. I don't? Lol. uranus?
No im not suprised sickend maybe. What planet are you on????
It's an obvious pimple parody of your great work here in poetry tito, avast, are you surprised young asshat?
Tis the year of the gnewt.