zodiac
on Crystal Lane Swift? Today is your crucifixion. by DreamerSupreme
20 Jan 2004, 2:23 PM
This is too confusing. I've decided to become one of Goad's nicks (which I pronounce a little like gonad, actually,) to save myself/himself/ourself the trouble of building a costly alliance of my/his/our own fake supporters. Don't worry: there'll still be oh-so-witty limerick arguments, as well as the added advantage of being able to post a poem every 4.8 hours instead of every 8. But I'm/he's/we're afraid none of you other nick-alliances will be able to stop me/him/us in my/his/our quest for complete poemranker monopoly! Bwah-hah and other intimidating sounds.
Crimson gnewt?
a little late...
Well I see that this "thing"'s got you livid
And you're sure I should be much more vivid
But too long with thesaurus
Tends to frustrate and bore us
If you know which word's best than just give it.
Touche. It's been thrilling.
Since you tire so quickly this session
I'll allow you to maintain your repression
But no-one is fooled
Because how well you tooled
Your replies constitutes a confession
This modus of discourse is dear to me
And it's swell to find one who's a peer to me
To wrap up this round
I'll concede your crit sound
Though I doubt your advice will adhere to me
1.) Don't end every line with a comma; it not grammatical (most heinous: "separate, desire")
2.) Capitalize and punctuate like real sentences; or is this meant to be one Dickensian sentence?
3.) Break up the lines by some other basis than a pause or the end of a clause; continuous, homogenous long lines are hard to read and not really poetic. Instead, use line breaks to isolate bits of phrases that can - I don't know - stand alone, words or short phrases that have significance (or even shock value) when you see them alone on a line.
Okay, now you have something that at least looks like a poem without having had to sacrifice your precious artistic vision.
4.) Get an artistic vision, or at least know that any mention of seas flowing, swan songs, burning torches, plays being directed, dark tunnels, or clear jewels will be met with extreme scepticism by most of your readers. Handle them originally. Maybe make the sea not flow, for once, or at least flow somewhere besides the direction taken by your average '80's pop song.
4.5) Besides, I can't even tell what you're talking about (probably that you like some girl/boy/thing/ocean,) or who you are (again, a boy, girl, jeweler, or marine biologist?)
5.) Read some of the poems on this site before you decide you're too intelligent for these lamers.
Sorry you had to hear this from me, but I might be the only one here who'll take you seriously enough to reply. You're welcome to go bash my poem. Tchuss!
Generate your own codes using http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/medio
MEDIOCRITY CODE
34C49000
http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/code.
It is spelt llama, and whilst I know of one mongoose on this site, I have never met a llama.
too intelligent for any real feedback... come on lamers need constructive critisim
<yawn>
Everyone
replying on Why you don't fall through the floor by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
20 Jan 2004, 6:23 AM
No; sadly Professor ?-Dave_Mysterious-? made the Mathsranker Brownlists for repeatedly refusing to accept The Splendour Of Gold argument for the existence of God, and for twice showing his bum. Once Brownlisted, the renowned mathematician lost all High Trouser privileges, and was only allowed to use the Whitehead Library if he balanced a potato on his head and kept it there for the duration of his stay. It was following one such 'potatoed' library session that ?-Dave_Mysterious-? hit an all time low as his Royal Society funded research took a terrible turn for the brown. Indeed, the Mathsranker Council were forced to banish him completely after he conjectured that the number 6 didn't exist and was purely an illusion, whilst simultaneously claiming (without proof) that he had discovered a new whole number between 5 and 7 called "bum". One hapless young student, after hearing the sound of a wounded animal mewing in Dave's office, foolishly decided to investigate, only to be trapped inside the soiled chamber for several days whilst the mad professor (who had been impersonating a dying otter) forced the poor fellowe to assume the validity of his blasphemous results and derive a new Theory of Arithmetic thereon. When the weeping apprentice did as he was told, and eventually proved the inevitably devastating "6 = bum" Theorem, ?-Dave_Mysterious-? flew into a terrible rage and, after throwing all his toys on the floor, ran across the room and vaulted through a closed window.
No doubt you'll agree that his is a very sorry tale, indeed.
Good day.
I've about had enough of this tussle
- give me one more reply and I'll hustle -
but if 'thing' has some gist
(a la Freud) that I've missed,
You could still call it cod, eel, or mussel.
You're not first to accuse me of gayness,
(Though your manner, as always, is heinous)
But here I should mention
I just don't have the penchant
And you don't know a "thing" from your anus
Hmmmm, the 'But'....I know what you mean. Clogs up the metre a bit. Without it, though, I think the statement about the ghost and the shadow is just too stark and not linked to what went before. Dunno. Let me have a ponder. Glad you liked the rest!
Your attack on my "thing" is so vicious
That it leaves me quite frankly suspicious
that you think something's wrong
with both my song & my dong
But I assure you my "thing" is delicious
Since my "thing" seems to arouse your attention
I'm left with a dark apprehension
I will keep to bright paths
(and stay away from the baths)
So we don't risk any further accension.
Are the maths community impressed when you post poems on mathsranker?
well it was mainly theory at first.. with an amusing ending.
But then I crossbred a cook with a poet and cooking metaphors for the theory.
Honestly though, I wrote this up just to write something really.. anything. It atleast managed to evolve into a fancy punchline.
Oh, and who do you think I should direct my thoughts to? other than my innumerouse personalities, the bastards next door, or other characters involved in my comic existence? I'm accepting all suggestions at this time.
I think you could do without 'But' at the start of the last stanza. Otherwise perfect. the best use of prepositional phrases I have ever ever seen.
the last two lines of the first stanza are beautifully constructed. A lovely percussion, well thoughtout wiht a terrific fallowt-through in the next stanza L2S2 is as pretty a thing as I've seen.
Sort of a cross between e.e. cummings and Dylan Thomas I think. Top-notch. (Do get rid of that first 'but' S3, the more I read it, the more out of place it seems) Kisses.