J.B. Manning
replying on The War On Pedophilia by miraclemaker
4 Dec 2003, 4:35 PM
(_Y_)
Damn skippy.
fun
haha. cute. Check your pecker please. (_O_) <-- you smiling.
If you say captain pecker checker.
I get mine from dental hygeine!
Focused, and well written. Poetry.
*breath
Other than that, I like it. The rhym is a little choppy, but I think you could smooth it out pretty easily.
lol
you're contradicting yourself, fuckhole. That and you're lying because you vote on almost all my my entries and you read everyone, taking time, in between slurps, to comment on them all. You can't deny how in love you are with me. The real truth is, that I don't read hardly any of your shit works. Don't believe me, check our histories and we'll see who's on who's nuts, wont we. Don't worry though, I'll have more soon for you to read and later lie about. Night night sweat pea.
you are such my bitch.
tsk.
Get it??? No PROPHET in it!! HAAA - OOoooh.
Thats a good one.
What you have here is a list of poems that are waiting for you to write (God told me to tell you that - that, and "tell him to wash his Me-damned socks").
I used to do more of this "mouthpiece of God" thing, but there's no prophet in it.
A sorrowful sentiment - but there is truth in it.
I'm torn whether to crit on the simplicity of it - the easy idiom with blue moon, the telling not showing...
but you know what? the effect is to add to the sense of ennui. The title even adds to the defeated/deflated realism.
I've done maybe a half dozen poems with a similar theme and really they all boil down to the same thing; they boil down to this.
So - have an 8 and keep writing.
ok the first half if not a little confusing. The number of images drag the reader about too much. The second part you seem to be writing about yourself for some reason, did you get bored of the paedophilia thing.
I dont think pedophilia or bestiality are jokes either... doing something like that takes a heinously sick mind...
but the poem is good ^_^