Shuushin
on Those weeks I slit my wrists to the Smiths by Jeremi B. Handrinos
13 Nov 2003, 10:50 AM
quite a week. yep, quite a week.
horus8
replying on Those weeks I slit my wrists to the Smiths by Jeremi B. Handrinos
13 Nov 2003, 9:55 AM
Repeatedly
horus8
replying on Those weeks I slit my wrists to the Smiths by Jeremi B. Handrinos
13 Nov 2003, 9:54 AM
Want a mustache ride?
God! This was excellent - I could relate to everything you've listed here. The tone is wonderful - the long suffering - yet not willing to choose the same course - to not shed more tears on a situation that has grown pointless and numb. Wonderful - I'm keeping a copy of this one... I give you a 9.
Reads pretty good, actually. Sometimes those wings can give a pre-impression.
Couple crits for you, if you are so inclined.
a comma after "decency" would work well overall, methinks
nest-[sites]? or were you making a play on "nasty"; either way.
"bust seats"? what is that? bus seats? if the "nest-sties" was intentional, then I'd believe this was too.
The last two lines are - perfect.
Liked the beginning, great stuff. Should have kept the initial happy note all the way through. Have you tried making love to geese as a method of cheering yourself up. ...7...
(nor do I agree INTRANSIT is a simpleton, btw)
an epiphimal transformation, and I don't agree that it feels forced.
The cadence is flawless and that should erase any perceived awkwardness.
Granted, the perspective is a bit... whats the word? 'Commanding'? 'Pretentious' is too strong - whatever; it works fine to my ear.
Rock on.
ShaNoN+960317485
on Something I Hope I Would Not Hear Myself Speak by Lifeboatman
13 Nov 2003, 6:26 AM
Hello Butch:o) seems ur tongue must be tied & the pen taken, if u insist in writing as such:o)
ShaNoN+960317485
on Those weeks I slit my wrists to the Smiths by Jeremi B. Handrinos
13 Nov 2003, 6:18 AM
Get a life will ya
You tricked me into going there, it was not even on my own bloody computer.
Sorry nen, this feels forced. Or maybe I'm a simpleton.
I made it into a song. I hired a drunk black midget to sing it too. Talk about ACE! this is going to make us a fortune. It will be the first time we get a retarded cripple on the back of a wheaties box! We, my friend, have done a good thing. All I can say is thank you.
Jeremi B. Handrinos
on Something I Hope I Would Not Hear Myself Speak by Lifeboatman
13 Nov 2003, 12:37 AM
Yes, they'll hump eachother if none else with a pointer can be found.
10
well this poem means that disasters can strike when least expected, you might lose it all, but you won't lose it without a fight even if it cost you your life
do you mean that you just dont care you just want to leave as in dieing?
You have some serious problems man. I just missed spelled a word. What I ment was that I was in a serios long - term relationship. We are on the merge of getting engagged. But I think it is great that you like me poems. You don't known me that well to known that I am great.