titan69
on Love Poem by josiefiend
1 Nov 2003, 12:05 PM
I also like getting inside
YOU SHOULD READ MY POEM SEX WITH A WOOLY SHEEP
KNOW THAT IS GROSS.
know change kiss for fuck!!
thats better.
Vituperative is right in keeping with the tone of any sports event. Well done!!!!!
Also well done for Starring out that nigger. Nigger is such an offencive word isn't it. If more people printed Nigger as you have and the word nigger was not written in its hateful entirety perhaps racial tensions would be soothed and we could all live together in harmony. Ebony & Bl******s ass'twer!!! The Tabloid press in England do a similar thing in their papers and i can tell you its led to a real change in peoples language and attitudes!!!
Nigger
Best poem about a carriage clock i've ever seen. I always lose the winding key ass well!!!!
Gosh have you considered getting in touch with Dead Ringers, or perhaps you could resurect Spitting Image. Its quite simply uncanny. Do you look at all like him?
Love the way you lose all the discipline at the end and just blurt out what a twisted wizard he is.
Fine depiction of repression
I made the big-eyes-and stick-your-tongue-out, face and they ran away. weeping. weeping. I feel inferior sometimes and then I get frustrated and yank them. All my scores were average. I saw no need to keep writing average poetry. Poemranker is the worst kind of addiction.
Dalia â its an interesting piece with some good hooks â I think it needs some structure changes though.
this is one thought:
âfinally our voices
intermingled
after several
long months apart
like rays of sun
through the frozen rainâ
then another:
your strange marriage
you know you are walking
a fine line
between your love
and earthly desires
keeping me at arm's length
and so on.
I think if you break them out and flesh them out they piece will be better for it. You might even find there are two separate poems here.
Some of the not so subtle sexual metaphors can be toned down a bit too, btw.
Has a nice hooky first two stanzas, then the wandering begins.
By the end, it's vapor. A suit wearing a man - I really think its fixable though since there are some nice images in there.
jest wait a cotton-pickin minute mister -
what the hell does wizard rhyme with?? Huh? Splain that.
the third one is very nice (just darling).
eh. kind of grossed me out - all that blood and seared flesh.
I was thinking the same thing, except instead of american poetry it was gekos and instead of farming it was the invention of indoor plumbing and instead of terrorism it was vanilla pudding.
Disturbing visuals, and the style's a little raw, but good.
Haunting. Provocative. Nude. Perhaps you would enjoy my poeme "GOODBYE TO MEAT". http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
cool poem, makes me want to go take a nap, too much running for me
This has a heady density of language and a fantastic theme that is dying to be cultivated.
As it sits, it's quite memorable - but I think with some pruning (sorry for the cliche, but more showing instead of telling), and a stronger sense of Structure this thing would be exceptionally powerful.
An umbrella is needed for that type of ganglia exposure.
Idaho's perfect thanks for asking.