Nicholas Jones
on Evel Knievel's last bananna split   by horus8
22 Oct 2003, 6:34 AM
Did you know Knievel is actually his real surname?
Very Freudian. We all know what snakes represent. You set up a pleasant scene and then twist and undermine it - very nicely done.
That second stanza in particular describes an old scene in a very fresh way; well done!
This use of the parenthetical gives it an interesting flavor - like building a language - or a mythology. I think it can easily be overdone though - you've kept on the inside of that.
bird leaves as she cools, the parallel with the decomposing city - nice.
Awesome title - now I have to read it; please hold...
Hey that rocks. It's a sad and pitiful rocking, but with an air of challenges overcome.
i was not disagreeing with you about your critique of the poem.
i was merely noting that you were cranky tonight,.
remind me not to type when i am falling asleep, next time.
The end can be stronger! damn you.
<{Baba^Yaga}>
replying on African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>
21 Oct 2003, 11:11 PM
I often can't remember the name of the blue otter pop?
Do you by chance?
ha ha ha haaaaaa! Fagod! you always cheer me up man here's to you <The witch pours herself a vodker cranbury and toasts you>
god'swife
on African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>
21 Oct 2003, 10:58 PM
A ten, blue.
Although the phrase 'upside down and tigers' is still ranked number one on the horus greatest hits. I honestly think that line is as wonderful as Frost's "Something there is that doesn't like a wall"
Poetry is, at its best, a 'golden section' exposed. You're pretty close to winning a bronzed chambered nautilus for this one.
I like this poem in conjunction with "sitting on a cliff's edge". The fused energy feels similar somehow. Interesting. Like two people watching the same play from different angles.
Toku sounds Japanese or a shortened version of such, not primal, unless you think Asian names in their guttural stress patterns come of in a prehistoric or ancient fashion. I am not sure it does. You are correct in one aspect. We are discussing issues in the poem, as we did in the other of issues that do not merit debate. If you are good with the poem, okay. But frankly I think it could use more Toku and less NATURE. The idea is good, and you filling in the perceptions are good, but I am not so sure the poem is in this state. Just an opinion. And Maiden sounds odd even though I know it fits into a kings and queens primal sense. Iâd rather debate you poems. They are closer to being finished.
Good points all. The 'cope' was meant in other ways besides the exact synonym of 'trying to deal', though. Thanks for the read.
I agree 87%.
Not so oddly, I own that book, and read it when I was an impressionable adolescent.
And what the hell is the Maiden? Nature? If so, that is funny.
I disagree with you and hatter's hare. Bub and Richa I think fall into the same category, although the bub utilizes more concrete language. Their poems are fragmented. Well thought out in their heads, but incomplete at times on paper. You can disagree all you want, but the fact is the picture makes the poem make sense. Look at some of the other comments. We donât know who Toku is thus the exuberance is nil. You simply mentioning a name and screaming out NATURE in my mind doesnât complete the poem or capture completely the rawness of the moment. With the picture I see who this guy is and the body langue in the photos, etc, etc, that isnât in the poem. The image could be more complete.