-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on Joshua by Bachus
18 Sep 2003, 10:04 PM
[_] AABBCC rhyming scheme
[_] About 'love'
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[X] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Braggadocious
[X] Clerical errors
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc.
[X] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[X] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[X] Drug references
[_] Elves
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[_] 'Lyrics'
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[_] Sanctimoniously moral
[X] Sappy
[X] Suicide-related
[_] Wish fulfilment
-10-
It's being avoided because although it's a shrine of a Haiku it's too close to home for most of the 'poets' that need a raping..err..ranking on this site. and it doesn't rhyme....for which I whip out my dink and whizz warm thunder on it. (11)
"Beef curtains" is the loveliest euphemism for "labia".
A note on life perhaps? Not yours I hope.
Well for one thing.. you are smart enough to make that connection (moulde, mould, mold), and I rather enjoy your work. I think you to be quite brilliant and daringly dasterdly dynamic.
What really amazes me about poemranker is: that this absolute shrine of a haiku is being avoid as far as votes go... yet it's the most read? That's The Jew factor people making you nosey yet weak. you disgust me. You make me all want to eat your three legged vulvas.
Well we have that in common.
It's coincidentally amazing that you would say such a thing. Since, we did that same thing this year for the $th of July.
reason enough.. I'll show you how threatening a dry piece of rice is.. we are going to have so much fun, you and I.. see you soon..
leaves me wondering what changes you made...but that's not important.
"I prayed for clay that I could mold."
you can mould me.
You make me want to rip out my bathroom linoleum and lead a band of cockroaches like a six-legged boddhisatva into the heart of urine town.
you scare me.. ;/ 8.
Swet.
no, i just like to talk, whether i come off as interesting or annoying, boring, stupid, -shrug-.
i just yap. but your listening, and your even talking to me!
what does that say about you?
I understand that your name is dave.
is that all? do you breathe? fuck? eat? shit? have road rage?
thrilling..
oh well, a six is better than 0-5.. (lee, cut the sugar coating and get back to work - BBAH fine, eat me, im jesus.. fuck.)
no, if you made me a righteous christian you would have won,
but i have simply decided to produce more "quality" and much less "quantity".
it was in my own best interest. you win an arguement, i improve and gain more skill.. i think im the winner, progress leads to better things.
what do you think? course, my opinion aside:
ok, you win. so what? want a cookie?
A kangaroo with a didgeridoo? Just imagine that! Whatever next!?
Perpendicular without being farcical. A beautiful compromise. -8-