?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on Where are my Spectacles? by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
9 Sep 2003, 6:07 AM
That would be a cheese storeroom.
Very vivid, thoroughfare.
welcome back and let the maddening begin
Scraping the crust off with FACT-shaped spoon, these are the news headlines:
MAN WITH REVERSE MIDAS COMPLEX TURNS OWN FACE INTO PILE OF GUTS
RANCID OCTOCARP FOUND SINGING IN DRAWER
EAT MY LEG OFF PLEADS MUTANT BEEF PROBE
Those are the headlines.................. goodnight.
Thank you for your comment. I wrote this in five minutes when I was very pissed off because I'd set off for a long bike ride but I got a puncture about a hundred yards from my front door and had to go back. It could be expanded, I suppose it's really just the beginning of an idea, but then it wouldn't be a perfect record of how I felt at that time anymore.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Where are my Spectacles? by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
9 Sep 2003, 3:49 AM
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Where are my Spectacles? by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
9 Sep 2003, 3:47 AM
lol
Yes. But it worked for Lacan.
Surely a cheesemonger might have a cheese shed to store the cheese not currently on display in his shop? I'm sure he would have spare supplies round the back.
Bello! beautiful, man. Imagery cut apart and stacked and exploded. Assimilated and studied and polished into a shiney black metal ball, just small enough to swallow.
I like this...it's fresh and alive. You've got a great flow going on here! Bravo~
Siete italiani? Potete leggere questa traduzione terribile? In caso
affermativo, dia prego un'occhiata al mio poem "canto di
desiderio".
"I have to agree with EAger. Well, mostly. I'm not sure I'd really want to see a well-considered, artistic, [yadda]... but this isn't it in any case.
first thing to work on, in my opinion, would be the flow/cadence/rhythm. Really, for starters, count the syllables. adjust accordingly. I'd also either stick with a set rhyme pattern, or not--some of the ends are halfrhymes, some not rhymes, some... eh. (you're pretty good at rhymind b and d, but the rest are awkwardly not one or the other).
to work on the content itself... that just takes time/experience/practice/trying, I think."
It does take time. Some of my first writing was rhyme. I really don't go that direction anymore, but I do have respect for those who can use it well. Anyway, I think you need to use more word play. Go out...find some great words to replace the norm. You'll not only learn new words from this, but you'll grow as a writer.
Good luck!
"Doesn't sound like something Jesus would do. Must have been a bad day. Even the greatest philanthropists have their moments of self-doubt."
I agree...I do like away better than comes as well. :)
ah, bill! i wish i could hear you speak this.
What an excellent display of madness! This person seems terrible. I enjoyed this piece.
Hi, I've missed you. 10.
thank you, sorry about earlier. my grandfather is dying, and I was being tempermental. I just got back from tahoe. Vote 0. I want first place.
"Eyes pulse to the beat
Of books, thicker than the Torah,
Dancing the tango with the
Hardy - Weinberg theorem."
Great word play. Hmmm..nice ending. :o
La lingua italiana nel babelfish e molto limitata nella traduzione.
L'ultima linea legge: "You know they howl for you."
I love your wit! A great read. :)