SupremeDreamer
replying on The One and Only by J.B. Manning
3 Sep 2003, 1:23 PM
well, i didnt find it worth rating. no offense and all, just my opinion.
Do you mean me? I don't make "Strange" bed fellows. My boyfriend is by far one of the least, "Strange" people I have ever met.
I can't imagine what it would sound like in song, but I'm nothing of a song writer. However, it does a make beautiful rhythm as it flows through my thoughts. I like it.
SupremeDreamer
replying on goofy poem to prove I'm not morbid (Ode to an Onion) by greym0on
3 Sep 2003, 1:20 PM
that why im advertising them z.. i didnt say they have plums.. thats why i want to make money selling it.. just where did you see me saying they have plums? did you have a short circuit?
J.B. Manning
on Pray For Cum By JesusFreak (parody of CLS's pray for help) by DreamerSupreme
3 Sep 2003, 1:17 PM
ooooh, I love this one.
allow Your mushroom brush to paint me white - Oh man, that's like the second kewlest thing I've ever heard!
interesting. It ALMOST works really well, but there is something about the ryme that feels forced. Like, it's not exactly what you wanted to say, but the only thing you could put there to complete the rythm. I think you can do better. Good though.
comments with no vote? ;-)
ok. thats cool.
hmmm. I'd say that this poem made me feel like nothing at all...just.............
some things here are included to add that wow? What things would they be?
congratulate, but nice
i enjoyed "old and grey/ came the day"
Is the fault you see the double use of 'in'?
Well tehcnically it is a double use, but
that's the nice thing about the old school use of "i'",
I feel like it negates that - allowing me a subtle break in the 'rules'. You don't agree?
Thank you immensely for the help and suggestios, but I think I'll concentrate on other poems. I think this one is doomed to a singular success (my own mind).
this line that you love so well is flawed:
as the pen, dragged too deep i' the page in passion
i' and in are the same?
how's:
as the pen, heavy with passion, dragged too deep i' the page, gouged it,
destroying the subsatntive beauty therein.
don't trash it. cut it apart. put it aside for a week, and come back to it. have a crack at it from a different angle--maybe dq's point of view? an imagined one, if not an actual one?
don't trrash it! the point CAN be made.
introduce specifics--from the text or otherwise--to make your point. do not rely on the reader's knowledge, nor on abstracts to make your point.
it's a good idea. stick with it.
I have only one thing to say:
http://www.phespirit.info/fatherted/soun
Fair enough, thanks z
I guess I'll chuck this to the shitter then. Too bad I really liked it. But I guess that happens from time to time.
The point I was trying to make is merely a question about the value of pursuing romance as an artform.
'for the pen dragged too deep i' the page in passion destroys all beauty and substance within'.
that's not the way i do things lee.
ganging up on someone who is honestly trying to make you think--that's a poor solution.
how many times would i have burned at the stake, were that the case? at least he is gentler about it than i am.
you are not evil. you are hopped up about something, though, that's for damn sure.
when was the last time you got laid? drunk? went swimming?
anything?
release, boy, release!
Mob mentality in appreciating poetry? I think you take me too personally. I never meant any offense to anyone, supreme.
I'll just leave all this at that, and from now own I'll just leave an explanation of my poems in the comments, and you can give suggestions to help me out or not.
Have fun.